Move over Miley Cyrus and tell Ed Sheeran the news. A bunch of protest-music electro-punks and a 52-year-old man who has let himself go are within snatching distance of your shiny pop crowns! And it’s all for charity!! Do the decent thing and step aside!!!
As I write this on December 27, Comin’ Over Here, by Asian Dub Foundation featuring Stewart Lee, is Number 1 in the Amazon charts, and number 2 in the iTunes charts. I don’t even know how the other charts work, or how you calculate a hit single in these digital days. We used to buy music as reels of paper full of holes that you had to feed into a mangle with a ram’s horn attached to it back in my day. And it were all just filthy noise back then, not auto-tuned dance-friendly melodies like today’s rubbish. Eeee! I remember when this was all Fields of the Nephilim.
But I do know that with your help we could realise Asian Dub Foundation’s dream of making Comin’ Over Here the top of the charts on New Year’s Day, as Brexit finally festers into reality. And we can generate a hefty wedge for the record’s beneficiaries, Kent Refugee Action Network, whether it is Number 1 or not.
Without an Instacam or a Tweeter to my name I am hardly a media manipulator, and as people at Netflix will tell you, I am of limited parochial interest. And you are unlikely to see Seann Walsh cavorting to an Asian Dub Foundation track on Strictly Come Dancing any time soon. So how did this strange chart-bound convergence happen?
After their initial impact in a nostalgic Britpop era that was a poor fit for them, the ethno-futurists Asian Dub Foundation have enjoyed a cycle of touring successive acclaimed albums to a devoted following, and developing high-concept side-projects (soundtracking La Haine at Broadwater Farm and performing an opera about Colonel Gaddafi at the London Coliseum) almost beneath the radar.
It’s the sort of musical career model I recognise, and one I have done my best to try and apply to the unwieldy world of stand-up. But as the former Teardrop Explodes frontman and Dinky mystic Julian Cope once told me, while standing in a Wiltshire stone circle: ‘You have to get through being a has-been and then you can become a legend.’
I told this story to former Confessions Of A Window Cleaner star and Pier Paolo Pasolini protégé Robin Askwith when I worked with him in 2019, and he quoted me telling him it in a recent LBC radio obituary for Barbara Windsor. If something Julian Cope said can end up in Barbara Windsor’s obituary via super-spreader Askwith in just three moves, let that be a warning about how easily Covid-19 can be transmitted, and wear your masks in Sainsbury’s.
Anyway, Asian Dub Foundation contacted me early in 2020 to ask if they could sample an old routine of mine from eight years ago, about the historic waves of settlement in the British Isles, on their new album, and I was delighted to have it taken out of my hands. I lost control of the bit to Twitter years ago anyway, where it is posted many times a day back and forth in political debates, free of its moorings.
I had the idea for the routine in 2012 when I heard a mad interview on the radio with Paul Nuttalls, the Ukip leader soon to lose his job due to confusion as to whether or not he had been present at the Hillsborough disaster.
I went home, transcribed Nuttalls’ words, and wrote a succession of increasingly exaggerated loops of his suspicion of various foreign objects, via modern Eastern European immigrants, through prehistoric settlers, and back as far as all matter and the abstract concept of reality itself. It was one of those rare extended riffs that took about as long to write as it does to say, as opposed to the routines that can take years to chisel out.
I don’t even really feel responsible for it, as everything in it was implied by Nuttalls anyway, who seemed to stand at my shoulder in spectral form, guiding my hand. The bit just sort of fell out of my head like a weird egg, broke on the laptop in front of me, and fried itself.
Though I normally police the context of my work as rigorously as possible, I was fascinated to see what would happen to the bit in the hands of Asian Dub Foundation, who saw in the finished routine a comic response to the kind of anti-immigrant rhetoric some players in the Brexit referendum chose to amplify and weaponise, which spoke to their experiences.
I handed over the tapes and waited. And it was a great privilege for me, at 52, to find myself on a record like ADF’s, which I think is both powerful and funny, largely for reasons that are little to do with me and everything to do with the group themselves. And I love that fact that they chose to pull out the section where I am quoting the 1,100 year old anonymous Anglo-Saxon poet of The Wanderer, his presence and mine on the record showing that you are never too old to have a hit.
If I had known I was going to be in a pop video I would have got in shape under lockdown and maybe worn a catsuit, like when Lulu performed with Take That. But the band were brilliant on the day of the shoot, between the two lockdowns, and jammed on John Coltrane’s version of My Favourite Things between takes, which meant I got a private musical performance of one of my own favourite things in a year where I have rarely seen anything live.
On the EP’s extra tracks, ADF’s Steve Savale has fitted the spoken word samples of other bits of the routine to the group’s rhythms and melodies so brilliantly, it makes me think of Messiaen transcribing birdsong, or the way Richard Thomas nailed American talk show guests’ trash talk to classical forms in Jerry Springer The Opera. And when Savale said he wanted to give all the profits to Kent Refugee Action Network and was taking advice from the DJ, activist and chart placings guru Jon Morter on how to have a Brexit Day Number 1, I was delighted.
At the risk of sounding hysterical, I think Asian Dub Foundation are, on this record, true patriots, and great global ambassadors for Britain, who can show the world that we didn’t all subscribe to the racist rhetorical excesses of the worst aspects of the Brexit campaign.
Writing in The Daily Mail on fucking Christmas Day, the lead Brexiteer Michael Gove’s partner Sarah Vine said the fallings-out she had with Remainer friends means that ‘few have paid such a heavy cost’ as her for Brexit. This is, of course, to overlook the fact that an MP was murdered by a white supremacist during the campaign for defending immigration, a cost perhaps heavier than having an uncomfortable moment at a 50th birthday party.
You have until New Year’s Eve, pop-pickers, to register your pop vote in the pop music pop Referendum of the pop year!
• Download Comin’ Over Here, all proceeds to Kent Refugee Action Network, here by New Year’s Eve.
To help get the track as high in the singles chart as possible, buy the individual track or mix separately, not the whole album or EP, as they count towards the albums chart only.
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter