“If you had to kill Stewart Lee how would you do it? Stab his eyes out? Shotgun to the knees? Brain with heavy object?” Xpijonipsy, Twitter, 16/10/19, since removed

“I’ve found it hard to get this article in print. One editor explained reluctance to publish on the grounds that the newspaper’s political team had cultivated excellent insider sources and publishing my piece would invite charges of hypocrisy. There was a searing honesty of sorts to this remark. Papers and media organisations yearn for privileged access and favourable treatment. And they are prepared to pay a price to get it. This price involves becoming a subsidiary part of the government machine. It means turning their readers and viewers into dupes. This client journalism allows Downing Street to frame the story as it wants. Some allow themselves to be used as tools to smear the government’s opponents. They say goodbye to the truth. Social media has provided new ways of breaking the boundaries of decent, honest journalism. Of course political journalists have always entered into behind-the-scenes deals with politicians, but this kind of arrangement has gained a new dimension since Boris Johnson entered Downing Street with the support of a client press and media. As a former lobby correspondent (on the Evening Standard, the Sunday Express and The Spectator) I understand the need for access. The job of lobby journalists is to produce information. But there is now clear evidence that the prime minister has debauched Downing Street by using the power of his office to spread propaganda and fake news. British political journalists have got chillingly close to providing the same service to Boris Johnson that Fox News delivers for Donald Trump.” – Peter Oborne, Open Democracy, October 2019

“In contrast with (my) generation, which had spent most of its time online learning to code so that it could add crude butterfly animations to the backgrounds of its weblogs, the generation immediately following had spent most of its time online making incredibly bigoted jokes in order to laugh at the idiots who were stupid enough to think that they meant it. Except that after a while they did mean it, and then somehow at the end of it they were white supremacists. Was this always how it happened?”
Patricia Lockwood, London Review of Books, Feb 2019

“This is the Trump way. Fire, fire, fire with the blunderbuss and don’t worry if a shot or two hits an innocent bystander. Keep moving forwards – even as your opponents return fire. Never seriously consider the criticisims, just loose off more shots. It is a strategy that has benefitted Britain’s Trump tribute act, Boris Johnson. As an opinion columnist on The Telegraph , Johnson specialised in offence, from writing in 2002 that the Queen loved the Commonwealth because “it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving picaninnies” to his recent descriptions of Muslim women in burqas “looking like letterboxes”. Such comments are deliberate provocation, pushing the boundaries of what it is permissible for a senior politician to say. IN AN ATTENTION ECONOMY, THEY ARE HARD CURRENCY. Any backlash can be portrayed as “political correctness gone mad” or “liberal Stalinism”. Even having to say sorry can be taken as proof that once again, the liberal totalitarians have triumphed. It is a game in which every path leads to victory. Yes, it is divisive, but for every voter who is repulsed, the calculation is, another is attracted.”
Helen Lewis, New Statesman, 7th June 2019

“There’s a large audience for this kind of thing and comedy marketers are hip to it. A 2016 Joe Rogan special was titled, simply, Triggered. A new special from Bill Burr that offers subtle critiques of the turn against political correctness was nevertheless promoted by Netflix with a selection of clips from a rant in which Burr appears to mock the #MeToo movement, feminists, and the like. This year’s MTV Video Music Awards were hosted by 46-year-old comic Sebastian Maniscalco, whose opening monologue mocked millennials and teens. “If you feel triggered or you feel offended by anything I’m saying here or anything the musical artists are doing,” he said, “they’re providing a safe space backstage where you’ll get some stress balls and a blankie and also Lil Nas X brought his horse which will double as an emotional support animal.” Those who turned to Google afterwards wondering how an aging comedian wound up on MTV sneering at young people the network has been struggling to reach might have happened across a Forbes article listing Maniscalco, who also released a Netflix special of his own this year, as one of the top ten highest paid comedians in the world in 2018, having earned an estimated $15 million. Chappelle was third, having earned $35 million. This “mutated McCarthy era” has treated the comics on that list particularly well….. As far as comedy is concerned, “cancel culture” seems to be the name mediocrities and legends on their way to mediocrity have given their own waning relevance. They’ve set about scolding us about scolds, whining about whiners, and complaining about complaints because they would rather cling to material that was never going to stay fresh and funny forever than adapt to changing audiences, a new set of critical concerns, and a culture that might soon leave them behind. In desperation, they’ve become the tiresome cowards they accuse their critics of being—and that comics like Bruce, who built the contemporary comedy world, never were.” OSITA NWANEVU, The New Republic, Sept ‘19

1) SNOWFLAKE/TORNAD0 – LIVE (London & Touring)

I THINK ALL 50 LONDON DATES ARE NOW SOLD OUT BUT… THERE WILL BE SUPPLEMENTARY DATES AT THE ROYAL FESTIVAL HALL, LONDON, JUNE 27TH, 28TH AND JULY 1ST, 2ND, 3RD, SEE BELOW.

I’m doing a new stand-up show for the back end of 2019 and the first half of 2020.
More national dates from Feb 2020 will be announced later in the year, I am going to do less shows than last time, but with longer runs in bigger rooms to hit the same demand.

I will film this show/these shows in the Summer of 2020 for offloading to whatever content platforms are still viable at that stage in late capitalism’s technologically-driven cultural decline.

David Johnson & John Mackay in association with Debi Allen/Curtis Brown present
STEWART LEE – SNOWFLAKE/TORNADO.

Double-bill of two new 60-ish minute sets, back to back nightly from “the world’s greatest living stand-up” (Times).

Tornado questions a shipwrecked Stew’s position in the comedy marketplace after Netflix mistakenly lists his show as “reports of sharks falling from the skies are on the rise again. Nobody on the Eastern Seaboard is safe.” What is anything? Is it this?
And Snowflake questions our worth in a collapsing society which no longer shares the liberal values we have for so long been keen to be seen to espouse, in a fairy-tale landscape of winter wonder.
Tons of fun!

SOLD OUT – CHECK DAILY FOR RETURNS at the Leicester Square Theatre here: https://leicestersquaretheatre.ticketsolve.com/shows/873600232

SNOWFLAKE/TORNADO Work-in-Progress and DVD LAUNCH

Leicester Square Theatre, London.
FEW TICKETS AVAILABLE CHECK DAILY FOR RETURNS AT LEICESTER SQUARE THEATRE BOX OFFICE: https://leicestersquaretheatre.ticketsolve.com/shows/873600232

Stewart Lee – Snowflake/Tornado.
Leicester Square Theatre, London.

October – December 2019
Tues 29th October 8.45pm – Sat Dec 14th
No Mondays, No Sundays, & not Sat Nov 30th

January 2020
Thurs 2nd Jan 8.45pm – Sat 25th Jan
No Mondays, No Sundays, & not Jan 9th
8.45 pm Stewart on stage
2 hrs + interval

Tues, Weds, Thurs £27.50
Friday & Saturday £29.50

All shows are 14+ apparently. If you are under 14 you are too immature to enjoy my swearing and farts.

In the case of sold out shows, there are often returns added, & Leicester Square maintain a waiting list, so check with the venue.

NOVEMBER 2019

Wednesday 20th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 21st SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 22nd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – SOLD OUT
Saturday 23rd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – SOLD OUT

Tuesday 26th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 27th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 28th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 29th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

DECEMBER 2019

Tuesday 3rd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 4th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 5th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 6th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – SOLD OUT
Saturday 7th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

Tuesday 10th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 11th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 12th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 13th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Saturday 14th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

JANUARY 2020

Thursday 2nd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 3rd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Saturday 4th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

Tuesday 7th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 8th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 10th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Saturday 11th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

Tuesday 14th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 15th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 16th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 17th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Saturday 18th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

Tuesday 21st SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Wednesday 22nd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Thursday 23rd SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Friday 24th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS
Saturday 25th SNOWFLAKE / TORNADO – Leicester Square Theatre, London – 8.45pm – TICKETS

Currently confirmed / onsale national dates are as follows.

NOTE: This is not the complete list. More national dates are currently being added & confirmed & will be announced soon.

Not all dates are currently on sale.
As further dates are announced / go on sale, they will be listed on the Live Dates page of the website & via this newsletter as they come in.

January 2020

Tuesday 28th January 2020 – 7.30pm – Colosseum, Watford – TICKETS
Wednesday 29th January 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Nottingham TICKETS
Thursday 30th January 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Nottingham – TICKETS
Thursday 31st January 2019 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Nottingham – TICKETS

February 2020

Saturday 1st February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Nottingham – TICKETS
Tuesday 4th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Philharmonic Hall, Liverpool – TICKETS
Wednesday 5th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Philharmonic Hall, Liverpool – TICKETS
Thursday 6th February 2020 – City Hall, Sheffield – TICKETS
Friday 7th February 2020 – City Hall, Sheffield – TICKETS
Wednesday 12th February 2020 – 8pm DeMontfort Hall, Leicester – TICKETS
Thursday 13th February 2020 – 7.30pm – New Theatre Royal, Lincoln – TICKETS
Friday 14th February 2020 – 7.30pm – New Theatre, Peterborough – TICKETS
Saturday 15th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Opera House, Buxton – TICKETS
Tuesday 18th February 2020 – 7.30pm – The Dome, Brighton – TICKETS
Wednesday 19th February 2020 – 7.30pm – The Dome, Brighton – TICKETS
Thursday 20th February 2020 – 7.30pm – The Dome, Brighton – TICKETS
Friday 21st February 2020 – 7.30pm – The Dome, Brighton – TICKETS
Monday 24th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS
Tuesday 25th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS
Wednesday 26th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS
Thursday 27th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS
Friday 28th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS
Saturday 29th February 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Oxford – TICKETS

March 2020

Tuesday 3rd March 2020 – 7.45pm – Festival Theatre, Malvern – TICKETS
Wednesday 4th March 2020 – 7.30pm – St. David’s Hall, Cardiff – TICKETS
Thursday 5th March 2020 – 8pm – Wycombe Swan, High Wycombe – TICKETS
Friday 6th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Royal & Derngate, Northampton TICKETS
Monday 9th March 2020 – 8pm – Cliffs Pavillion, Southend-On-Sea – TICKETS
Tuesday 10th March 2020 – 8pm – The Hexagon, Reading – TICKETS
Wednesday 11th March 2020 – 8pm – The Hexagon, Reading – TICKETS
Thursday 12th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Symphony Hall, Birmingham – TICKETS
Friday 13th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Symphony Hall, Birmingham – TICKETS
Tuesday 17th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Marlowe Theatre, Canterbury – TICKETS
Wednesday 18th March 2020 – 8pm – De La Warr Pavillion , Bexhill On Sea – TICKETS
Thursday 19th March 2020 – 8pm – Corn Exchange, Cambridge – TICKETS
Friday 20th March 2020 – 8pm – Corn Exchange, Cambridge – TICKETS
Monday 23rd March 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Leeds – TICKETS
Tuesday 24th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Leeds – TICKETS
Wednesday 25th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Playhouse, Leeds – TICKETS
Thursday 26th March 2020 – 7.30pm – King’s Theatre, Glasgow – TICKETS
Friday 27th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Theatre Royal, Newcastle Upon Tyne – TICKETS
Saturday 28th March 2020 – 7.30pm – Theatre Royal, Newcastle Upon Tyne – TICKETS

April 2020

Friday 24th April 2020 – ON SALE SOON – Theatre Royal, York
Saturday 25th April 2020 – ON SALE SOON – Theatre Royal, York
Wednesday 29th April 2020 – 7.30pm – Lyric Theatre @ The Lowry, Salford Quays – TICKETS
Thursday 30th April 2020 – 7.30pm – Lyric Theatre @ The Lowry, Salford Quays – TICKETS

May 2020

Friday 1st May 2020 – 7.30pm – Lyric Theatre @ The Lowry, Salford Quays – TICKETS
Saturday 2nd May 2020 – 7.30pm – Lyric Theatre @ The Lowry, Salford Quays – TICKETS
Sunday 3rd May 2020 – ON SALE SOON – Machynlleth (Comedy Festival)
Sunday 10th May 2020 – 7.30pm – Rose Theatre, Kingston – TICKETS
Thursday 14th May 2020 – 7.30pm – Westlands, Yeovil – TICKETS
Friday 15th May 2020 – 7.30pm – Northcott Theatre, Exeter – TICKETS
Saturday 16th May 2020 – 7.30pm – Theatre Royal, Plymouth – TICKETS
Sunday 17th May 2020 – 7.30pm – Theatre Royal, Plymouth – TICKETS
Monday 18th May 2020 – 8pm – Town Hall, Cheltenham – TICKETS
Sunday 31st May 2020 – 7.30pm – Grand Theatre, Wolverhampton – TICKETS

June 2020

Saturday 20th June 2020 – 7.30pm – St. George’s Hall , Bradford – TICKETS
Sunday 21st June 2020 – ON SALE SOON – Storyhouse , Chester
Monday 22nd June 2020 – 8pm – Hippodrome , Bristol – TICKETS
Saturday 27th 2020 – 8pm – Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, London – TICKETS
Sunday 28th 2020 – 8pm – Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, London – TICKETS

July 2020

Wednesday 1st 2020 – 8pm – Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, London – TICKETS
Thursday 2nd 2020 – 8pm – Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, London – TICKETS
Friday 3rd 2020 – 8pm – Royal Festival Hall, Southbank, London – TICKETS

NB VIAGOGO ETC.

Tickets have started appearing at up to 4 times face value on the ticket-bastard website Viagogo, specifically for the Sheffield shows, with doubtless more to follow.

I know which seats these are and I will come down from the stage and find anyone who has bought from Viagogo, or Stubhub, and I will throw them out personally and I will not refund them at a later date.
If you want to buy illegal tickets and have the money refunded go and see soft-hearted Rhod Gilbert, who will do this out of his own money. I will not. There is no need to cooperate with these criminals.
Tickets will be available at normal rates from the venue and I will endeavour to add on extra dates to meet any demand.

2) CONTENT PROVIDER DVD

Content Provider is out on modern d/l, available now, and as a dvd with an extra disc of an early work-in-prog show,

Here is the Amazon d/l link. DOWNLOAD LINK

This is the link for physical media version via MEDIA GARAGE via AMAZON. MEDIA GARAGE is the only legit outlet for physical media and anyone else selling it isn’t me and I don’t get the money. DVD LINK
Right now there is nothing free to view of me on Netflix or Amazon.
I’m not part of a package of multi-artists shows the Network can buy from a particular production company and I’m not prepared to give stuff away free to the platforms.

That said all 4 series of COMEDY VEHICLE are still free on the BBC i-player, and all my stand-up shows except STAND-UP COMEDIAN can now be bought to view or download for ever on AMAZON.
Also, you can buy everything from me at live shows, which is best, as both I and the taxman see a slice of the action in this honest and straightforward farmers’ market style transaction.

I will even have a card machine this time around to facilitate drunken impulse mass-purchases, at rates beyond your actual means.
I am trying to get STAND-UP COMEDIAN back in circulation but the original producers have put the original contract in storage and have warned us that it is costly to locate it.

3) King Rocker Doc

Michael Cumming (Brass Eye), James Nicholls (Fire films) and I are now 2/3rds of the way through filming and editing and are looking for donations to complete the film below, which is about Birmingham post-punk survivors The Nightingales.  We have one last bit of filming – an interview with ROBIN ASKWITH – and the the edit and costly sound and vision clearances. Everyone who donates, no matter how big or how small*, will be featured in the end credits.

*(I think this sentence, written by James from Fire, relates to the size of the donation, not the donor.)

https://www.kingrockerfilm.com/

There is now a podcast radio thing you can listen to of me and Michael talking about The Nightingales here. It is ace.

4) NEW BOOK – March Of The Lemmings

March of the Lemmings – Brexit in Print and Performance 2016-2019

Faber have published March of the Lemmings.
Drawing on three years of newspaper columns, a complete transcript of the ‘Content Provider’ stand-up show, and Lee’s caustic footnote commentary, March of the Lemmings is the scathing, riotous record the Brexit era deserves.”

5) HOW NEWSPAPERS WORK

i) A typically dishonest Daily Telegraph article, from April 2017, by Rozina Sabur, who is a wazzock, has resurfaced on-line as if it were from now, via the feeds of various media pro’s who probably need to start checking their facts.
It claims that comedians doing jokes about Brexit are suffering.
This bullshit article is the subject of a column by me here.
It was immediately discredited upon publication.

On Monday 18th of Nov THE TIMES ran an article saying I had been mugged.
I was mugged, just over a year ago. I am ok. I mentioned this on a podcast last month to Sue Perkins and THE TIMES made a story about it without checking dates or facts.
This is what papers do.

6) I ARROGANTLY RECOMMEND

ENTHRONING OF BOY BISHOP – Berden, Hertfordshire; Boston, Lincolnshire; Bristol; Hereford Cathedral; Par, Cornwall; Edwinstowe, Nottinghamshire – Dec 6^th. A boy is given the powers and privileges of a Bishop.

CHRIS CACAVAS –  Mournful Paisley underground songwriter and Green On Red, Dream Syndicate, Giant Sand associate – Oxted Ginstry Dec 8^th, London Slaughtered Lamb Dec 9^th

THE CHAMELEONS (AKA CHAMELEONS VOX) Humble ‘80s Big Music innovators on the trail again. Dec 14^th M’cr Ritz, Dec 15^th London 229

MADNESS Dec 15^th – 17^th London Roundhouse. Madness. Camden. Christmas.

STEELEYE SPAN – All around my hat at the Brighton Dome Dec 12^th and Barbican London Dec 17^th. GAUDETE CHRISTUS EST NATUS!

THE UTOPIA STRONG – Snooker’s Steve Davis’ krauty-prog band, Dec 20^th Café Oto London, Dec 21^st Ramsgate Music Hall

TOLLING THE DEVIL’S KNELL – Dewsbury, Yorkshire 24^th Dec. A bell is tolled at midnight to remember the murder by Thomas de Soothill, a 13^th local baron, of a servant boy.

BILBURY DUCK RACE, Bilbury, Gloucs, 26^th Dec 11 AM. Toy ducks float about in a picturesque village.

OLD GLORY & THE CUTTY WREN – Middleton, Suffolk, Dec 26^th. Flaming torches and full folk horror processional business.

GREATHAM SWORD DANCE  Greatham, Cleveland  Dec 26

ALLENDALE TAR BARRELL CEREMONY  Allendale, Northumberland  December 31 st. Dangerous barrel carrying.

THE MORRIS RING website details MORRIS DANCING events around the UK over  Christmas.

Gloucestershire MM : Tuesday 11th December 7:45pm  –   Carpenters Arms, GL6 7JA(link is external)

East Suffolk MM : Saturday 22nd December. Dancing in Ipswich, starting at the Salutation at 11am. Their annual “Border” tour – as it’s been held for over 35 years it qualifies as traditional!

Kennet MM : Last Monday before Christmas. Kennet Karols from 8.30pm ’til late, The Bell and Bottle, Shinfield Green RG2 9EE – 50 traditional carols led by The Kennettes – festive hats optional.

Adlington Morris Men and Mummers : Friday 21st December – Alderley Mummers Play, Stockport tour.- 7:30 pm    The Railway, 1 Avenue Street,

Portwood, SK1 2BZ; 8:30 pm    The Hope Inn, 118 Wellington Road North,

Stockport, SK4 2LL; 9:30 pm    The Magnet, 51 Wellington Road North, Stockport SK4 1HJ; 10:30 pm  The Crown Inn, 154 Heaton Lane, Stockport, SK4 1AR

Lord Conyers MM : Last Saturday before Christmas. Christmas Wassail from 2:00 pm, performing dances from their Border and Pershore repertoire, their own Yorkshire Longsword and Rapper dances before singing local Sheffield carols inside at Wales Jubilee Sports and Social Club, S26 5QG,and then moving to the site of Robin Hood’s Trysting Tree in Todwick to perform the Abbotts Bromley Horn Dance at dusk (4:00pm approx)..

Original Welsh Border Morris(link is external) Last Saturday before Christmas. Coach Tour of Worcestershire –
Fox Inn, Wichenford, WR2 6NX arrive 0800 depart 0900
White Ladies Aston arrive 0930 depart 1015
Pershore arrive 1030 depart 1145
Evesham depart arrive 1215 1400
Upton-upon-Severn arrive 1430 depart 1515
Worcester arrive 1545 depart 1645
Fox Inn, Wichenford arrive 1715

All timings very approximate!

Taunton Deane MM : Saturday 15th December – Border Day – Walking Tour of Taunton Town Centre 11:00am onwards.

 Boxing Day – St Stephen’s Day – Wednesday 26th December

Ashdown Forest MM : 1:00pm, The Hatch Inn(link is external), Colemans Hatch, TN7 4EJ

Bedford MM : 10.45am Bedford Embankment – dancing; 11:30 am, Bedford Swan Hotel – dancing followed by the Boar’s Head Ceremony 12:00 noon – to be confirmed. THIS IS SIMON MUNNERY’S MORRIS SIDE!!!

Blackheath MM : 12:30pm, Princess of Wales on Blackheath; 1:30pm, The Crown, Blackheath Village; 3:00pm, The Hare & Billet, Blackheath.

Brackley MM : Boxing Day Tour. 11:00am Blackbird Croughton; 12.00 noon Brackley Market Place 1.00pm Stratton Arms Turweston

Bristol MM : Keynsham Mummers Play(link is external) – 11.00 am, St John’s church Keynsham; 11.30 am Keynsham Library Riverside,Temple Street (Opposite Keynsham Leisure CentreThe New Inn, 12:00 noon.  [The picture on the right shows Keynsham’s St George].

Chanctonbury Ring MM : 11:00am, We’ve only just heard that The Marquis (formerly ‘of Granby’) in Sompting will  be closed for refurbishment over Christmas and so we will be relocating to it’s sister pub, THE FARMERS at 17 South St, Lancing BN15 8AE. dancing Cotswold followed by the Steyning Tipteerers mummers play. 12:30pm A RETURN TO THE ORIGINAL HOME OF THE PLAY The White Horse, 23 High Street, Steyning BN44 3YE , followed by carols in the pub bar. (The Frankland Arms is currently CLOSED with no information available as to when it might re-open, if at all.)

Colchester MM : 12:30pm The Chequers, Great Tey(link is external) for mulled wine, mince pies … and morris

Coventry MM : 12:00 noon, Boxing Day Tour Kenilworth Castle

Dartington MM : 12:00 noon ’til 1:00pm, Totnes (the Plains  opposite Royal Seven Stars)

Datchet Border Morris : 10:40am, Datchet Green, SL3 9EH, including The Mummers Play and Sword dance (longsword or rapper and after in The Red Stag)

East Suffolk MM : 12:30 noon, The Sailing Club, Pin Mill, Ipswich IP9 1JP

East Surrey MM – 12:00 pm – 12:30 pm The Fox, Coulsdon Common CR3 5QS; 2:00 pm – 2:30 pm The Hare and Hounds, Godstone RH9 8LN

Ewell St. Mary’s MM : 12:00 noon, The Famous Green Man; 12:30pm, opposite The Star; 1:00 pm, The Watch House, Church Street; 1:30pm, The Spring Tavern; 2:00pm, The Wheatsheaf, followed by the traditional mid-winter mummers’ play in the yard of the Upper Mill.

Faithful City MM – 12:30pm – The Talbot, Knightwick

Flamborough Sword Dancers(link is external) : Flamborough, Yorkshire (or is it Humberside?) starting at the Rose & Crown in the High Street and ending at the Royal Dog & Duck. The Dancers are also supporting the relatively new charity fundraiser, the Flamborough Boxing Day Dip so you can catch them before their regular tour, at South Landing from 10.45am with the Dip at 11:00am.

Foresters MM – 11:00am Bottesford duck race(link is external)

Gloucester MM – 9:30am The Queens Hotel, Cheltenham : 10:30 am Imperial Gardens, Cheltenham : 12:00 noon Gloucester Cathedral .The Gloucester Mummers Play will be performed at the Cathedral in between the Traditional Morris Dancing. We’ll be dancing alongside Englands Glory Morris, Lassington Oak Morris Men and Miserden Morris.

Greensleeves MM : Opposite the Rose and Crown, Wimbledon Village SW19 5BA,12.15pm; The Hand in Hand and The Crooked Billet, Wimbledon Common SW19 4RQ, 1.15pm.

Grimsby MM : 12:00 noon The Wellow, King’s Road, Cleethorpes; 12:40 pm The Punchbowl, North Promenade, Cleethorpes; 1:15 pm The No. 2 Refreshment Room (Under the Clock), Cleethorpes Railway Station; 1:55pm 2:30pm The Nottingham House Hotel , Seaview Street, Cleethorpes The final dance spot will be followed by a singing and music session in the Sports Bar of the Notts.

Handsworth Traditional Sword Dancers : 11:15am at Market Square, Woodhouse, S13 7JX. (Next to Cross Street); 12:00pm at Handsworth in front of St. Mary’s Church, S13 9BZ.

Harthill MM : 11;00am, The Bluebell, 4 Woodall Ln, Harthill, S26 7YQ; 12.30pm, The Beehive, Harthill, 16 Union St, Harthill, S26 7YH. With Three Shires Ladies Clog and Garland Dancers

Hartley MM :12.00 noon,The Black Horse, Stansted TN15 7PR; 1.15pm The Rose and Crown, Wrotham TN15 7AE – We will be dancing and performing the Firle Mummers Play.

Headington Quarry Morris Dancers : Their traditional Mummers Play with Rapper Sword Dancing and Hand Bell Ringing at the following public houses within the Quarry Parish: 11:15am Crown & Thistle, 12:15pm Six Bells,1:00pm Chequers and 1:45pm Masons Arms

The Traditional Ilmington MM : The side perform the traditional village Mummers play on tour starting in  Shipston-on-Stour, traditionally visiting the sheltered homes for the elderly, then continuing to  The Howard Arms,Ilmington at 1:00pm and The Red Lion, Ilmington, at 2:00pm (timings may vary).

Kemp’s Men of Norwich : 12:00 noon,The Banningham Crown(link is external), Banningham NR1 7DY – dancing and Mummers’ Play

King John’s MM : from 12:00 noon, The Vine Inn, High Street, Old Bursledon SO31 8DJ – Border Morris and Mummers’ Play

Lassington Oak MM : 12.00 pm – Gloucester Cathedral, 1.00 pm The Fountain Inn, Gloucester (see Gloucester MM above)

Leicester MM : 12.00 noon – 2.00pm as Red Leicester Border – Swithland Boxing Day at The Griffin Inn(link is external), Main Street, Swithland LE12 8TJ  (Including a performance of the Sproxton Wooing Play)

Letchworth MM : 12:30 pm The Fox, Willian; 1:30 pm Three Horseshoes, Willian. There’s also a music session at The Three Horseshoes afterwards to allow the dancers to re-hydrate with a couple of beers.

Leominster Morris : circa 12:00 noon – Mummers Play & dancing at The Chequers, 63 Etnam St, Leominster HR6 8AE

Long Man MM : 10:00am – 11:00am The Bandstand, Eastbourne Seafront. Collecting for Eastbourne RNLI

Manchester MM : from 12.00 noon dancing outside The Fox public house, Brookbottom, near New Mills SK22 3AY, followed by carols inside.

Martlet Sword & MM : 11:30am – 12:30pm East St, Chichester PO19 1HH

Mendip MM : 12:00 noon, The Plough Inn, Wrington; 1.00pm.The Plough Inn, Congresbury

Mersey MM : from 11:00am, Boxing Day Revels, Willaston Village Green

Moulton MM :  Boxing Day Bonanza(link is external) – 11:00am to Noon Cardigan Arms on Stocks Hill, Moulton, Northamptonshire NN3 7TB. Local Mummers Play and Morris Dancing.

North Wood MM : 12.45pm, The Harrow Inn(link is external) 309 Farleigh Road, Warlingham,CR6 9EL

Plymouth MM : 12:00 noon at the Brook Inn, Plympton PL7 1ND with Guests The Plymouth Maids 

Ravensbourne MM : 12:30pm – 1:30 The Greyhound(link is external), Commonside Keston BR2 6BP – 55 years and counting!

Redcar Sword Dancers : 12.00 noon at Greatham, Hospital Gates, near Hartlepool, Co Durham,  Sword Dance and Play. A unique event, this could be the only example of a longsword dance and its play still being performed together.  But there will be one important change this year. The Hope and Anchor, their ‘watering hole’ and venue of the popular post dance singaround, has closed but fortunately the landlord of the Bull and Dog next door has agreed to act as host this year.

Ripley M : 11:00am, Ripley Market Place;12.00 noon The Moulders Arms (Thack) at Riddings at and at The Kings Arms, Crich at 1.00pm.

Rutland MM : 10:30am, (to dance at 11:00am) Horse & Jockey, Manton;12:00 noon, Uppingham Market Square; 1:00pm, Crown, Uppingham

Silurian MM : Annual Tour starting at Ledbury Market House at 11:00, followed by dance spots at British Camp at 12:00, The Morgan Pub in Malvern at 13:00 (tbc) and The Three Kings pub at Hanley Castle at 14:00 usually followed by a music session

Southport Swords : 12:00pm Hesketh Arms, Churchtown; 1:30pm Bold Hotel, Churchtown; 2:30pm The Guest House, Union St Southport – the final event of their 50th year  celebrations 

Spen Valley Longsword Dancers : traditional tour of some of the pubs in Spen Valley to perform the dances and to sing a few songs; 1:00pm, Wickham Arms, Cleckheaton; 2:00pm, Spen Victoria Cricket Club, Spen Lane, Gomersal

Thameside Mummers :1:00 pm on the waterfront outside The Crooked Billet, Leigh on Sea, Essex SS9 2EP. The performance of their annual Christmas Play has been a much watched event for more than 40 years. Followed by a singaround in the pub.

Thames Valley MM : 11.30 am Platform 3 (in The Parade, KT10 0PB); 12.15 pm The Foley (Hare Lane, KT10 0LZ);1.00 pm, The Hare & Hounds (The Green, KT10 0JL); 1.45 pm The Winning Horse (Coverts Road, KT10 0JY) The Griffin (Common Road, KT10 0HW) – from 2.15 p.m.

Thaxted MM : 11:00am, Church Hall, including country dancing for all;12:00 noon, dancing in the Churchyard followed by songs and music in The Swan; 3pm Dancing at the Maypole.

Towersey Morris : Dancing at 12:00 noon, Three Horseshoes, Towersey; Mummers play at 1.00pm

Wantage Mummers: 10:00am – 10:30 Faringdon Market Place, Faringdon

Oxfordshire SN7 7HP; 12:00 noon – 12:30 The Bear Hotel, Wantage Oxfordshire; 1:15pm Childrey Village Hall, High Street, Childrey OX12 9UE . There is always a session in Childrey after the last performance, Although the pub in Childrey has now closed the villagers are determined to do all they can to keep up the tradition, albeit in the village hall.

Wantsum MM : 11:00am, Powell Arms Birchington; 12:00 noon The Bell Inn St Nicholas at Wade; 1:00 The Gate Inn Marshside; 2:00 The Crown Inn (The Old Cherry Brandy House) Sarre

Wath-on-Dearne MM : 10.15am Wath Town Centre; 11:00am Post Office Wentworth; 11:30am Rockingham Arms, W/worth then Procession along High Street; 1.30pm George & Dragon W/worth; 2:45 pm Edmunds Arms, Worsborough Village (Dancing, Mumming and Carols)

Wessex MM : 12:00 noon, Mumming and Morris in Cerne Abbas Village Square DT2 7JG

West Somerset MM : 11:00am Dunster Yarn Market TA24 6SF

Winchester MM : CANCELLED 11:00am, The Buttercross, High Street, Winchester SO23 9BL (and other venues to be confirmed)

Woodchurch MM : The annual Boxing Day Wassail in Woodchurch, Kent. This involves visiting various houses who welcome us with festive hot drinks and mince pies. Later the side will finish the day off at ‘The Six bells’ or Bonnie Cravat public houses in the village.  to be confirmed

Woodside MM : 12:30pm, The Cricketers(link is external), Sarratt Green,WD3 6AS

Yateley MM : 12:00 noon, T(link is external)he Queens Oak, Church Lane, Finchampstead, Wokingham RG40 4LS; 1:00pm Dog & Partridge(link is external) in Yateley GU46 7LR

Friday – December 28th

Adlington Morris Men and Mummers  : Alderley Mummers Play, Bollington tour – 7:30 pm The Cock & Pheasant, 15 Bollington Road, SK10 5EJ (T.B.C.); 8:30 pm The Poachers Inn, 95 Ingersley Road, Bollington, SK10 5RE; 9:30 pm The Vale Inn, 29-31 Adlington Road, Bollington, SK10 5JT

Saturday – December 29th

Saddleworth MM :  The Annual Lordsmere Longsword finale – 1:00 pm: The Wellington Inn, Chew Valley Road, Greenfield; 2:00 pm: The Railway, Shaw Hall Bank Road, Greenfield; 3:00 pm: The Swan, The Square, Dobcross; 4:00 pm: The Diggle Hotel, Station Houses, Diggle; 5:00 pm: The Commercial, High Street, Uppermill; 7:00 pm: The Cross Keys Inn, Running Hill Gate, Uppermill; 8:00 pm: The Church Inn, Running Hill Gate, Uppermill (’til late)