Some stand-up routines take years to work out. This one slipped out, as Kevin Eldon would say, like a newborn foal.
I was driving my son to school on April 25th 2013. I heard Paul Nuttalls, the then leader of the Ukips, on Radio 4 talking about immigration and it was so jumbled up it made me laugh.
I went home, played back the interview, transcribed it, and exaggerated it until I had Paul taking a position against matter itself, and by lunchtime it was done.
The routine has had a massive half life, and seems to go viral whenever people are arguing about immigration. I am glad it has given some comedy comfort to people who feel like they don’t recognise the intolerant country we now seem to be in.
When ADF said they wanted to sample it I couldn’t be happier, as it seemed the final stage of letting go to serve the greater good. And what 50-something frustrated rock star could say no to appearing in a video with a veteran punk-dance combo whose records he’d buy anyway?
The boys were very gentle with me as I tried to work out what exactly was expected of me, and in the downtime they jammed John Coltrane-style on Rogers and Hammerstein’s My Favourite Things
The version of the routine I gave ADF is a bit fuzzy on some dates and a syllable of the Anglo Saxon poetry quote seems to have gone astray – every time I performed it there’d be slippage – but I love how they have tweaked it to serve their purposes in the debate about what exactly constitutes the ever fluid notion of national identity.
I love how the flute break before the Anglo Saxon quote sounds like it’s come from 1,000 years ago, and the record is the only thing I’ve ever been involved in that my kids actually like.
Irrespective of the rights and wrongs of Brexit itself, every time a deadline looms the police report upsurges of violence against those perceived by some as unwelcome here.
ADF seem to have made something that was merely funny into something improbably powerful and it is a great honour to have been involved in it.
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter















