Some stand-up routines take years to work out. This one slipped out, as Kevin Eldon would say, like a newborn foal.
I was driving my son to school on April 25th 2013. I heard Paul Nuttalls, the then leader of the Ukips, on Radio 4 talking about immigration and it was so jumbled up it made me laugh.
I went home, played back the interview, transcribed it, and exaggerated it until I had Paul taking a position against matter itself, and by lunchtime it was done.
The routine has had a massive half life, and seems to go viral whenever people are arguing about immigration. I am glad it has given some comedy comfort to people who feel like they don’t recognise the intolerant country we now seem to be in.
When ADF said they wanted to sample it I couldn’t be happier, as it seemed the final stage of letting go to serve the greater good. And what 50-something frustrated rock star could say no to appearing in a video with a veteran punk-dance combo whose records he’d buy anyway?
The boys were very gentle with me as I tried to work out what exactly was expected of me, and in the downtime they jammed John Coltrane-style on Rogers and Hammerstein’s My Favourite Things
The version of the routine I gave ADF is a bit fuzzy on some dates and a syllable of the Anglo Saxon poetry quote seems to have gone astray – every time I performed it there’d be slippage – but I love how they have tweaked it to serve their purposes in the debate about what exactly constitutes the ever fluid notion of national identity.
I love how the flute break before the Anglo Saxon quote sounds like it’s come from 1,000 years ago, and the record is the only thing I’ve ever been involved in that my kids actually like.
Irrespective of the rights and wrongs of Brexit itself, every time a deadline looms the police report upsurges of violence against those perceived by some as unwelcome here.
ADF seem to have made something that was merely funny into something improbably powerful and it is a great honour to have been involved in it.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net















