Denmark sows seeds of discontent over Brexit - September 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - September 2nd, 2018

It was Andrew Rawnsley’s column in last week’s Observer that first made me aware of the danger a no-deal Brexit would pose to British sperm supplies. Up to 50% of our sperm is imported into the United Kingdom from Denmark alone, its cross-border movement currently micro-managed by EU organ and tissue directives, but now red…

A floppy-haired beast of Brexit walks among us - August 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - August 19th, 2018

The Herefordshire legend of Black Vaughan tells the story of an evil 15th-century nobleman who returns in various spectral forms – a black fly, a black dog, a black bull, some gerbils – to molest farm girls, spill milk, and upset apple carts. But the dead aristocratic pest is eventually subdued by 12 priests and…

Bannon’s crush on Britain’s old bootboys - August 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - August 12th, 2018

“The skinhead smashed the still steaming grill plate of the state-of-the-art Breville sandwich toaster into his red face, to stem the violent impulses rising within him. His skin fizzed, like cold piss on a hot Guy Fawkes bonfire. Ancient burnt pieces of cheese and tomato, remnants of his well-heeled host’s cocaine-fuelled midnight snacks, buried themselves…

Trump’s struggle not to tie himself in nots - July 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - July 22nd, 2018

I spent the weekend at the Latitude festival in Suffolk with my children, Nelson and Mandela. Like a good metropolitan liberal elitist, I had all my tastes and prejudices confirmed, and all in a safe family-friendly environment. But when I left the site on Monday it seemed that, while I was eating sushi in recyclable…

How to treat Morrissey? Stop listening to him - July 2018 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - July 8th, 2018

Morrissey fans have for years equated his more unpalatable pronouncements with the babblings of a beloved but out of touch relative. Some of the things Uncle Stephen says seem a bit racist, but he has seen a lot of changes in the area he lives in, he got food poisoning from a bad curry on…

Michael Gove’s hot air will eventually choke us all - June 2018 The Observer - June 3rd, 2018

In January, a sulphurous cloud of French pollution drifted across from France to further stink out vast areas of Surrey, its stench so powerful that it overwhelmed the natural foul odours of Eric Clapton, who dwells silently in the hideous region, a subterranean blues truffle. It was as if the smelly Gallic gas glob did…