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Showing 10 results for: Matt Handcock

I need Boris Johnson to remain in power until the end of August - April 2022 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - April 24th, 2022

Shameless criminals are exploiting the plight of desperate asylum seekers for their own ends. Yes, that’s right. Boris Johnson attempted to distract the public from his own transgressions with his hastily announced and arguably unworkable Rwanda Solution. Did you see what I did there? I’m here all week! Try the cake!! But keep it in…

All the Tory sleaze that’s fit to print… - May 2021 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - May 2nd, 2021

I first filed this supposedly funny column, about Boris Let the Bodies Pile High in Their Thousands Johnson’s wallpaper, at 8pm on Wednesday, 15 glorious hours before the Thursday 11am deadline. Now I could enjoy a leisurely morning cycle to a Pret a Manger™ ® breakfast bap with my name on it and some passive-aggressive…

English Covid: a truly world-beating virus - December 2020 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - December 27th, 2020

If the United Kingdom can take one positive thing from the Covid-19 crisis, it is that the most powerful and virulent version of the virus is perceived globally as being British, faster and stronger than its puny foreign counterparts. And the education secretary, Gavin Williamson, has rightly declared this the sort of thing that makes…

Look at the Tories – scotch egg all over their faces - December 2020 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - December 6th, 2020

On Wednesday morning, on Times Radio, the terminally bewildered health secretary, Matt Handcock, claimed unchallenged that our imminent departure from the EU meant the Covid vaccine had been approved more quickly. The Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency quickly clarified we had completed the process using existing provisions of EU law. If the Brexit-Covid government…

Since we’re talking fantasy Brexit deals… - October 2020 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - October 25th, 2020

In 1981, tarnished by a legacy of nuclear embarrassments, the leaky Cumbrian atomic power plant Windscale was rebranded as Sellafield and the problems of public perception simply melted away, like hot uranium seeping into a water table. Likewise, we are no longer about to embrace a similarly contaminated no-deal Brexit. We are instead welcoming a…

Now Boris Johnson is talking through his Tugendhat - May 2020 The Observer - By Stewart Lee - May 17th, 2020

Stay alert! On Twitter, Tom Tugendhat, The Conservative MP for Tonbridge and Malling, is talking. There! He is thanking the prime minister for his “very clear message”. Tom Tugendhat! On Twitter! Now! He is enjoying the sheer coral sea clarity of the prime minister’s Sunday statement, like sunlight shining through spring water in Waterford crystal!…

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