Peter Fleurdelys is employed by Hackney Council as a Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officer.
I’m the Hackney Council Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officer. If you’ve ever attended an ante-natal class maybe you’ve already seen me. I come in late at the end of the official class wearing a cycling helmet, and hand out leaflets about my own classes to disinterested men, while mumbling, as the trained mid-wife sits on a table and rolls her eyes. But all that is about to change. Respect me, fathers of Hackney, and I will respect you. You need me. I am the Hackney Council Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officer.
My aim in life is to make fathers in the Hackney area feel more supported in their role as fathers. In Hackney, many role models for fathers are often negative and involve guns, drugs and garishly coloured sportswear. But don’t get me wrong. I too like the odd toke on a spliff, I own a pair of pink jogging bottoms, and I’ve been known to threaten any other Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officers that stray on to my patch with a starting pistol! Not really! I don’t own a pair of pink jogging bottoms! Anyway. What about me? Who am I? What do I do? Where did I come from? What is all this Men’s Birthing Awareness mallarkey anyhow?
I’ve lived in Hackney since graduating from Warwick University in the mid-90’s with a degree in Theoretical Applications. I’m not a father myself, and have no training in any areas relating to child rearing, but I suggested the idea of a Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officer to some Hackney Council councillors that I met at a birthday party a couple of years back, and then put forward myself for the post when it was advertised. Each month, I run a series of four sessions in the backroom of various Hackney pubs, where expectant fathers can come and ask questions like… “What is a baby?”, “Where does a baby come from?” and “What is approproiate touching?” A lot of the men ask when it is right to start having sex again, and why are their wives being such bitches, and so I try and introduce a bit of levity into the room by doing a role play. One of the guys is a horny husband and another is a pregnant wife who just isn’t in the mood, for example. Sometimes it works, but often my ideas are greeted with resistance, hostility and fists flying into my tiny face, and I have to cycle home through a haze of blood and mucous.
One night, as he was patching me up, my flatmate Robin, who works in a bakery designing new kinds of loaves, said, “What are you doing Peter? Why put yourself through this, week after week? It’s not worth it.” And I said, “There’ll always be babies Robin. And there’ll always be fathers. And those fathers will always need someone to tell them how to be better fathers. How else are they going to do it? By instinct?” And Robin said maybe they would. And I said, “There won’t always be bread Robin. The bread will run out. The babies won’t. And then where will you be? Eh? Standing in an empty shop with bread dust all over your apron, dough in your hair, and no future. And me? I’ll be the National Men’s Birthing Awareness Generation Officer. And all men will do as I say!” And then Robin went to the pub and I lay down on the bathroom floor in a little ball. The foetal position, I think they call it.
Peter Fleurdelys was talking to Stewart Lee
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com