Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Brighton Argus
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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John Robins, Comedian
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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FBC, finalgear.com
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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World Without End, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Sam Rooney, Youtube