Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Brighton Argus
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Bosco239, youtube
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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Chez, Chortle.com
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Stuart, Chortle
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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World Without End, Twitter
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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John Robins, Comedian
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Rudeness, Youtube
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Idrie, Youtube
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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FBC, finalgear.com
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph