Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Brighton Argus
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FBC, finalgear.com
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
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World Without End, Twitter
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Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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John Robins, Comedian
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter