Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Brighton Argus
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Danazawa, Youtube
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John Robins, Comedian
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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FBC, finalgear.com
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Rudeness, Youtube
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter