Stew's Writing Written For Money
Father Christmas wouldn’t be subcontracting model castles to carpenters
Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
Previous Writing
A Christmas Piece For Time Out
A Christmas Piece For Time Out
Next Writing
G2 quiz of the year: Stewart Lee’s general knowledge
G2 quiz of the year: Stewart Lee’s general knowledge
Online Critiques
"3rd rate comedian and politically correct maggot."
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:16:45+00:00
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anonymous-the-northfield-patriot/
"I spent the entire time thinking of how much I want to punch Stewart Lee in the face instead of laughing. He does have an incredibly punchable face, doesn't he? (I could just close my eyes, but fantasizing about punching Stewart Lee is still more fun than sitting in complete, stony silence.) Fucking smug-faced cunt."
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:25:51+00:00
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/pudabaya-beexcellenttoeachother-com/
"Stewart Lee's comedy is designed to be 'appreciated' but not actually 'laughed' at or 'enjoyed'. Here's a fun game you can play while watching Stewart Lee: With a pen and paper, jot down how often you actually laugh. You may be surpsied!"
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:26:54+00:00
Dick Socrates, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dick-socrates-twitter/
"Lee spastic cunt."
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:23:48+00:00
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anon-dontstartmeoff-com/
"Is there anyone more condescending, self-satisfied and up their own arse than Stewart Lee?"
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:42:24+00:00
Liam Travitt, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/liam-travitt-twitter/
"I saw him at a gig once, and even offstage he was exuding an aura of creepy molesty smugness."
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:17:22+00:00
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/yukio-mishima-dontstartmeoff-com/
"I tried to watch Stewart Lee but had to stop due to him being shit. He addressed an insular cadre of socially challenged, prematurely middle-aged, pseudo-intellectual men, I thought."
Z-factor, Twitter.
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:07:26+00:00
Z-factor, Twitter.
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/z-factor-twitter/
"Genuinely can't stand him, he comes across as the sort that thinks that live comedy should just be kept to smoky art student union clubs and that any comedian that plays in arenas is destroying the so called "artistic integrity" of stand up when we all know stand-up comedy is not an art form it's a form of live entertainment. P.S. Just because your TV show is terrible doesn't mean you have to rip into Russell Howard and 'that Roadshow''."
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:37:08+00:00
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/someoneyoudontknow-chortle-com/
"Lee makes Kim Jong II look comparatively relaxed. Maybe it's time to lighten up a little?"
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:39:39+01:00
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dominic-cavendish-telegraph/
"He talks only about commonplace things, with a really slow pace. He made me smile. That's it! A disappointment."
Etienne, Chortle.com
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:39:17+01:00
Etienne, Chortle.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/etienne-chortle-com/
"I hate that Stewart Lee fella, totally unfunny and as much charisma as Pol Pot!!"
Fowkes81, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:24:45+00:00
Fowkes81, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/fowkes81-twitter/
"Self consciousness in comedy doesn't make it better, or more intelligent. It makes it much worse. Give me Michael McIntyre any day."
Shit Crit, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T18:50:03+00:00
Shit Crit, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/shit-crit-twitter/
"He's another of those smug incompetents who are said by the 'in-crowd' to be cool. He appears to have serious life issues and he seems to think that foisting his emotional turmoil onto audiences is somehow 'art'. Bollocks."
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:43:21+00:00
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dahoum-guardian-co-uk/
"Liberals like this guy would just love to live in totalitarian state where only their views could be expressed and opposition views crushed. They are childish hypocrites. They should stop reading the guardian and get in the real world."
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:22:20+00:00
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/12dgdgdgdgdgdg-youtube/
"Who is this sumg gimp?"
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:53:01+00:00
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/cojones2-guardian-co-uk/
"His whole tone is one of complete, smug condescension."
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:38:58+01:00
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/birmingham-sunday-mercury/
"A mollycoddled uber-middleclass mummysboy without a funny bone in his body. Verbal diahorria for stuffed shirts without a sense of humour."
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:25:01+00:00
Pnethor, pne-online.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/pnethor-pne-online-com/
"The most overrated smug twat ever."
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:40:14+00:00
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/syhr-breakbeat-co-uk/
"I fell asleep during Stewart Lee. I don't get him really."
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:34:19+00:00
Tres Ryan, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/tres-ryan-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is a twat. That is all."
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:23:16+00:00
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/fairy-pingu-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is on. I forgot how funny & clever he thinks he is & how stupid everyone else is in his eyes. Wanker."
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:27:09+00:00
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/zombie-hamster-twitter/
"Stewart Lee has lost his glasses somewhere in stoke newington. Have you seen them? Please ReTweet."
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:37:40+00:00
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/stokeylitfest-twitter/
"Finally watched Stewart Lee from last week. Hated it. Shouting at TV "scots don't lay eggs" etc."
A D Ward, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:40:18+01:00
A D Ward, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/a-d-ward-twitter/
"Sorry, Something has gone wrong (Error 500). Unfortunately this part of iPlayer has temporarily stopped working. This will be because there has been an unforeseen technical error."
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T18:49:25+00:00
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/bbc-iplayer-edition-of-discussion-of-stewart-lee-on-a-good-read/
"One man I would love to beat with a shit covered cricket bat."
Joycey, readytogo.net
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:32:24+00:00
Joycey, readytogo.net
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/joycey-readytogo-net/
"Great, the next big thing has materialised. Surprisingly for the Guardian, they are recommending a man who hates the Top Gear presenters and co wrote a hit show that offended Christians. This is like being 15 and reading the NME."
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:25:33+00:00
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/nicetime-guardian-co-uk/
"Christ what a monotoned smug nobhead, don't you people get tired of his student aimed so called humour, god he's crap."
Anamatronix, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:27:39+00:00
Anamatronix, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anamatronix-youtube/
"Stewart Lee spends so much effort wittering about comedy, why doesn't he ever do any of it?"
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:41:49+01:00
Joe, Independent.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/joe-independent-co-uk/
"I think describing himself as a comedian is the only funny thing the man has ever said. Don't bother telling me that I don't get it; I don't want it. It's only possible to like right-on, lefty comedians like Stuart Lee if you're a right-on lefty yourself. Like all right-on lefties he feigns contempt of intolerance and ridicules people for the predictably, allegedly right wing intolerances ascribed to stereotypically right wing people. To me, morally or comedically this is no better than Bernard Manning or Jim Davidson both of whom were genuinely funny even if you now think their jokes were racist but neither of them were genuinely bigoted, IMHO of course, like Stewart Lee and his fans. In attempting to send up intolerance by being blatantly intolerant and bigoted, Lee falls flat on his face making any genuinely tolerant, left-of-centre, liberals so horrified that they simply could not laugh. In short, if you're a bigoted, socialist worker, civil servant, teacher, social worker or NHS employee then Stuart Lee is the comedian for you. If you actually care about tolerance for all, even those who have different political opinons from you, he's about as funny as the credit crunch."
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:39:30+00:00
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/genghis-mckahn-guardian-co-uk/
"The Grand Poobah of stand-up"
Al Murray, Comedian
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:09:48+00:00
Al Murray, Comedian
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/al-murray-comedian/
"Stewart Lee is a massive asshole."
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:17:01+00:00
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/secretdeveloper-youtube/
"I hate comedy that presumes to 'defend' minorities like me. Sod off, you don't know what offends me, so you can't protect me from it. But most of the things you think offend me don't."
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T18:48:26+00:00
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/sweeping-curves-twitter/
"Is Stewart Lee supposed to be funny? Because he's really not."
Keilloh, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:11:52+00:00
Keilloh, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/keilloh-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is a cynical man, who has been able to build an entire carrer out of his own smugness. I hope the fucking chrones disease kills him."
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:22:25+00:00
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/maninabananasuit-guardian-co-uk/
"Stewart lee just says something. Explains why you should laugh. Then accuses you of not having a sense of humour. The cunt."
World Without End, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:43:04+00:00
World Without End, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/world-without-end-twitter/
"I must protest most feverently at the prospect of further wanton waste of the licence fee on this pile of wank."
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:04:56+00:00
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/aaron-comedy-co-uk/
"The boringly infantile Stewart Lee."
Peter Ould, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:09:44+00:00
Peter Ould, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/peter-ould-youtube/
"If this is supposed to be a "Comedy Vehicle," someone had better call the RAC to get it started."
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:10:16+00:00
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/gmanthedemon-bbc-co-uk/
"The concept that Stewart Lee is funny is tenuous at best."
Meninblack, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:26:25+00:00
Meninblack, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/meninblack-twitter/
"WHAT THE HELL! If i ever find you, lee, i promise i will, I WILL, kick the crap out of you."
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:23:01+00:00
Carcrazychica, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/carcrazychica-youtube/
"I really cannot *bear* the bumptious prick that is Stewart Lee. And anyone who sees Stewart Lee for the pompous self important tit that he is, is a friend of mine. The greatest trick Stewart Lee ever pulled was convincing the world he's funny and not just a ridiculously supercilious prat who just repeats himself. Stewart Lee you are a prize cock. At least get your facts straight before you launch into your pious Guardian wank fodder."
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:33:32+00:00
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/lucinda-locketts-twitter/
"Just seen a very haggard looking Stewart Lee near Carnaby St. He was carrying laundry."
98rosjon, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:06:54+00:00
98rosjon, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/98rosjon-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is like that uni lecturer who thinks he's unbelievably cool but is really the tit the students all laugh at."
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:32:59+00:00
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/lenny-darksphere-twitter/
"All he did was talk about crisps and stand there."
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:40:53+00:00
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dvdhths-grandparents-twitter/
"Why does anyone sully the name of comedians by so very incorrectly applying the term to Stewart Lee."
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:25:19+00:00
Microcuts 22, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/microcuts-22-twitter/
"I don't get the point of this thing with Johnny vegas and lee, it's neither funny nor informative. It's like watching 2 heavily drunk people having a conversation at a bus stop."
Sidsings000, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:04:42+00:00
Sidsings000, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/sidsings000-youtube/
"After careful deliberation, I can now say I have finally gone off Stewart Lee. Give it two years and so will you."
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:06:21+00:00
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/tweeterkiryakou-twitter/
"Stuart 'man of the people' Lee is nothing but a fringe alternative comedy act who wouldn't stand a chance at a real comedy club like Jongleurs."
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:31:58+00:00
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/karen-laidlaw-edfringe-com/
"All this man seems to be able to do is dance about going "ah ha ha ha ha ha!' So incredibly unfunny."
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:35:14+00:00
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/emilyistrendy-youtube/
"This guy is a douche bag who probably drank to much before going on stage to prove what a complete and utter asshole he is."
GRTak, finalgear.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:52:17+00:00
GRTak, finalgear.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/grtak-finalgear-com/
"Lee is supposed to be a ground-breaking comedian and writer, but I found little entertainment value in his material.? It was not funny. It was a sad and deliberate attempt to see how far he could go. This was ultimate sick humour, and if anyone thought it funny, they must be sick as well."
Brighton Argus
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:41:14+00:00
Brighton Argus
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/brighton-argus/
"An abysmal 'comedian'. He's unable to pick up Brownie points for being funny and so instead flaunts his politically correct views to try to get audiences' and critics' sympathy. While this works to keep him a cult following of der brains who enjoy playing the game of 'I'm holier than thou', it's the reason while he'll never be mainstream (you have to be funny to do that) and why critics who like him always have to apologise for his contributions to high profile charity gigs in venues when the punters don't laugh. Garbage."
Chez, Chortle.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:35:41+00:00
Chez, Chortle.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/chez-chortle-com/
"Stewart Lee is a pedantic, overrated, mundane little shit of a comedian. And yes, I do 'get' him, it's just ... wank."
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:05:13+00:00
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/meanstreetelite-peoplesrepublicofcork/
"Stewart Lee isn't funny."
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:22:37+00:00
Slothy Matt, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/slothy-matt-twitter/
"Lee was a good comic. Unfortunately now he comes across as a chaotic drunk."
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:17:01+00:00
Foxfoxton, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/foxfoxton-youtube/
"I want to run Stewart Lee over in his own comedy vehicle."
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:19:46+00:00
Robert Gavin, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/robert-gavin-twitter/
"Stewart Lee- every pseudo-intellectual's favourite comedian! "If you don't find him funny it's because you can't comprehend his comedic style" or "You're just not clever enough" are usually responses to people who consider him unfunny..."
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:51:44+00:00
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/cabluigi-guardian-co-uk/
"Stewart Lee is boring."
Tin Frog, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:06:06+00:00
Tin Frog, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/tin-frog-twitter/
"Stewart Lee used to one of my favorite funnymen, but I think he's lost it now. I just don't find him funny anymore. He hasn't made me laugh since 1999. I always preferred Richard Herring anyway."
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T18:48:48+00:00
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/joskins-leeds-music-forum/
"Five minutes of Stewart Lee makes me want to kill myself . Completely unfunny, dated, painful SHIT."
Anon, westhamonline.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:20:54+00:00
Anon, westhamonline.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anon-westhamonline-com/
"The thinking woman's potato farl."
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:24:16+00:00
Rubyshoes, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/rubyshoes-twitter/
"Stuart Lee = Cock."
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:16:36+00:00
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/brendon-vauxhallownersnetwork-co-uk/
"Stewart Lee is a pompous, condescending bore, and he isn't remotely funny. He claims to have read the entire works of William Blake - he obviously completely missed one of the great themes of Blake: a love and respect for all humanity. If smugness could be harnessed as a form of energy this man could help reduce our reliance on fossil fuels."
Danazawa, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:22:43+00:00
Danazawa, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/danazawa-youtube/
"Stewart Lee, I will shove my thick cock in your throat you gay lord."
Hiewy, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:18:26+00:00
Hiewy, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/hiewy-youtube/
"Stupid. Unfunny. Hypocritical. Nonsensical. Fits in with his fanboys' worldview, basically."
Guest1001, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:39:25+00:00
Guest1001, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/guest1001-youtube/
"Only a Sun reader could mistake this dross for intelligent comedy. Probably laughs at farting noises too. Here's to hoping this particular vehicle runs off the road. Under a train."
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:32:03+00:00
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/nevw47479-uktv-co-uk/
"Quite possibly the most boring stand-up I've ever heard. I fail to see what on earth is funny about him rambling on....and on...and on..."
Kozzy06, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:06:40+00:00
Kozzy06, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/kozzy06-youtube/
"The ludicrously coiffered fat-of-face fuck"
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:24:31+00:00
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/mini-x2-readytogo-net/
"Amongst the least talented comedians ever invented."
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:34:37+00:00
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/pirate-crocodile-twitter/
"I'd never punch Stewart Lee in the face. His smugness would wrap itself round my fist and slowly consume it, infecting me in the process. Stewart Lee once told a joke that I found desperately unfunny. Then he done a poo on stage. Stewart Lee once used my cheesegrater to remove smegma from his Willy. Then he made me cheese-on-toast without cleaning it."
Pudabaya, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:26:11+00:00
Pudabaya, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/pudabaya-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is not funny. He comes from the smug - if you don't laugh at my material then you aren't smart enough - school of comedy. No Stewart, if we don't laugh at your material then it's just not good enough."
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:42:09+01:00
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/patrick-kavanagh-guardian-co-uk/
"I hate Stewart Lee with a passion. He's like Ian Huntley to me."
Wharto15, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:06:36+00:00
Wharto15, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/wharto15-twitter/
"If I could bring one extinct thing back to life it would be Stewart Lee’s sense of humour."
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Stewart Lee
2019-04-08T20:39:03+01:00
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/frankie-boyle/
"This guy sure knows how to run a joke into the ground."
Mpf1947, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:07:52+00:00
Mpf1947, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/mpf1947-youtube/
"Hands up if you think that Stewart Lee is the worst 'comedian' ever. My hand is firmly in the air!"
Leach Juice, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:38:27+01:00
Leach Juice, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/leach-juice-twitter/
"Alleged comedian Stewart Lee is cheap and mean spirited."
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:24:03+00:00
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/iain-eatenbymissionaries/
"Jealous that your comedy career didn't go anywhere Lee?"
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:40:08+00:00
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anonymous-dontstartmeoff-com/
"Russell Brand plays stadiums, Stewart Lee has a tin pot show on BBC that no-one watches."
Borathigh5, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:33:53+00:00
Borathigh5, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/borathigh5-youtube/
"Big surprise, guardianistas love comic who went to a posh school and oxbridge. Dave Chappelle's could show him how it's done."
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:41:07+01:00
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/neolab-guardian-co-uk/
"The dullness of his jokes is only matched by his bitterness towards other comedians and half the world around him. He seems to spend hours on stage pretending that he 'gets something' nobody else has. I just wish he'd get a sense of humour. Tripe."
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:36:30+00:00
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/gabrielle-chortle-com/
"I hope stewart lee dies."
Idrie, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:12:07+00:00
Idrie, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/idrie-youtube/
"A sneering tosser."
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:02:14+00:00
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/rowing-rob-guardian-co-uk/
"No part of this routine was funny enough to even bother delivering it. I'm not offended, more bemused by his total lack of talent and why the audience are laughing at his dull and obvious "jokes"."
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:40:56+00:00
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/whoiscuriousgeorge-youtube/
"Lee seems to think he's more clever than he really is. His material is delivered in a "If you don't find this funny, you can't be very intelligent" manner, which is an attitude perpetuated by the pseudo-intellectual Guardian reading arsebiscuits who like him."
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:36:45+00:00
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/johnny-kitkat-dontstartmeoff-com/
"I used to think stewart lee was quite good, then i spoke to him at edinburgh festival. Arse doesn't cover it. Ah well."
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:17:55+00:00
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/bobby-bhoy-twitter/
"Stewart Lee : 20 years of 'sneer = career'."
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:39:53+00:00
Clampdown59, Twitter.
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/clampdown59-twitter/
"I continue to watch out of amazement at how unfunny this man is... he has made me snigger but once when talking about getting your willy stuck in a zipper. Anyone could get a laugh with that! It amazes me how he likes to repeat the same thing several times, likes to repeat things several times, repeat things several times, several times, times."
Stuart, Chortle
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:28:14+00:00
Stuart, Chortle
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/stuart-chortle/
"Prime example of a well educated looooooser."
Rudeness, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:11:34+00:00
Rudeness, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/rudeness-youtube/
"Stewart lee is a shit comedian doing a shit impression of a shit comedian. If he was burned alive it could raise serious cash."
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:32:48+00:00
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/mrdavisn01-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is an embarrassment to comedy."
Jackmumf, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:32:39+00:00
Jackmumf, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/jackmumf-twitter/
"Stewart Lee. Boring as hell and unfunny."
Peter Ould, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:20:25+00:00
Peter Ould, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/peter-ould-twitter/
"Now that I've wasted an hour listening to the absolute garbage that is Stewart Lee, I'm moving on to a more pleasurable activity. Sleeping."
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:20:22+00:00
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/ishamayura-byrd-twitter/
"Absolutely the saddest so called comedian I have ever heard. Trash is the only word I can think of this person. Disgusting!!!"
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:52:44+00:00
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/carla-st-albans-dailymail-co-uk/
"It is a bit like listening to a sixth form NUS president who was brought up an only child by his sycophantic grandparents."
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:33:13+00:00
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/deepbass-guardian-co-uk/
"He's a c*nt, people lap it up like they do Charlie Brooker yet both are prejudiced middle class tosspots. Brooker is a weetabix haired trendy tosspiece trying to cling on to anything remotely cool these days and Stewart Lee is a hypocrite."
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:53:19+00:00
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/lents-redandwhitekop-com/
"He stank. I've never seen a moronic idiot trying to tell jokes in my life. What a fuck. The man could barely stand up never mind tell a decent story. Everyone was laughing at him, and I hated his guts."
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:37:24+00:00
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/alex-quarmby-edfringe-com/
"Intellectual pretensions aside for a moment Stewart Lee is a bit of a knob sometimes., isn't he?"
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:52:03+00:00
Contrapuntal, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/contrapuntal-twitter/
"What a waste of a comedian. Eat my penis."
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T18:49:44+00:00
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/lancethrustworthy-youtube/
"Lee is not just unfunny but tiresome, his non-joke act isn't even original! He just rips off Ted Chippington. Ooooh look at me! I'm Stewart Lee! I'm deconstructing the form!! Come back Richard Herring!! Please!"
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:27:24+00:00
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/general-lurko-36-guardian-co-uk/
"If this is supposed to be a "Comedy Vehicle," someone had better call the RAC to get it started. Or push it down hill. Stewart Lee should have 'cunt' stamped onto his forehead with a branding iron."'
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:40:30+00:00
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/coxy-dontstartmeoff-com/
"Smug bastard."
Peter Fears, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:34:06+00:00
Peter Fears, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/peter-fears-twitter/
"I hate Stewart Lee he is a prick. Clarkson's views are all spot on. Top gear is class and laughing at gipos and the Mexicans is hilarious."
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:48:37+00:00
Sam Rooney, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/sam-rooney-youtube/
"A fraud and a total unfunny tit."
Bosco239, youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:39:13+00:00
Bosco239, youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/bosco239-youtube/
"I have more light and shade and humanity than Stewart Lee."
Richard Herring, Comedian
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:18:05+00:00
Richard Herring, Comedian
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/richard-herring-comedian/
"See that stupid look on his face....you just know he would have that exact same facial expression if he was getting the kicking of his life. He's a total dick cheesecake."
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:17:22+00:00
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/neva2busy-dontstartmeoff-com/
"Stewart Lee isn't funny. In fact he's the opposite. And totally unfunny."
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:36:01+00:00
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/henry-howard-fun-twitter/
"I had to walk out of Stewart Lee's gig tonight when my wife started projectile vomiting!"
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:36:16+00:00
Cyberbloke, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/cyberbloke-twitter/
"Stewart Lee is not funny and has nothing to say"
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T16:37:32+00:00
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/james-dellingpole-daily-telegraph/
"Stewart Lee's just as smug as Clarkson and co in my opinion. Has a very punchable tone of voice."
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-04-24T17:38:02+01:00
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/aiden-hearn-twitter/
"Comedy vehicle? more of a comedy 'right off!'"
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:10:00+00:00
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/guest-dontstartmeoff-com/
"Watching Stewart Lee in action these days is like standing on the edge of a frozen lake and seeing a man half-submerged in the perishing ice. You throw him a rope - but he hurls it back. You didn't throw it correctly, he advises. And anyway, he was fine as he was, until you ruined it all. Didn't you know that sub-zero was his natural habitat?"
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:40:41+00:00
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dominic-cavendish-daily-telegraph/
"Smug elitist liberalism. Who is this cunt?"
Tokyofist, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:06:12+00:00
Tokyofist, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/tokyofist-youtube/
"Stewart Lee - is he not just another mouthpiece for Politically Correct liberal "fascism" ?"
Len Firewood, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:27:58+00:00
Len Firewood, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/len-firewood-twitter/
"If this is supposed to be a "Comedy Vehicle," maybe someone should call the RAC to get it started."
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:18:43+00:00
Gwaites, Digitalspy
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/gwaites-digitalspy/
"Is Stewart Lee deliberately trying to be unfunny?"
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:05:52+00:00
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/horatio-melvin-twitter/
"A small, sad man."
FBC, finalgear.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:10:31+00:00
FBC, finalgear.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/fbc-finalgear-com/
"Stewart Lee is a greasy cunt in a cheap suit. Look out, look out, gammon-headed bastard about. Pathetic and childish. This cunt can't even rally a paying audience. Ham-headed, ham-fisted spastic."
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:34:50+00:00
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/spanner-dontstartmeoff-com/
"I am starting to detest Stewart Lee."
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-03-13T05:19:05+00:00
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/tweeter-kyriakou-twitter/
"The Krankies are funnier than this waste of air. So unfunny it's laughable."
Visualiser1, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:23:33+00:00
Visualiser1, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/visualiser1-twitter/
"I was Stage Manager for Stewart Lee. It wasn't performance art, stand up comedy or satire. It was a fucking train-wreck. That man could not read an audience 3 feet away. And yes, I got to know his act well during the rehearsals and Tech rehearsal. I also got to know the fact that the man is a functioning alcoholic, finishing nearly 12 cans to himself before going onstage, and that he is banned from the entire chain of theatres I used to work at for being rude, dismissive of staff and responding terribly to bad audience feedback. I don't hate this man in the slightest, I pity him. Where he tries to wear the "never hitting mainstream" as a cloak (Even naming a tour after it) the cracks appear when you're one on one with him. He is angry, and I don't think he know who he's angry at."
Funday’schild, youtube.
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:35:41+00:00
Funday’schild, youtube.
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/fundayschild-youtube/
"Saw Stewart Lee 1981 show last night. Loads of brilliant comedians in audience. Only 2 on stage in nearly 4 hours. Dire."
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:32:14+00:00
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/esme-folley-actress-cellist-twitter/
"Stewart Lee has created his own very profitable narrative that Stewart Lee = cool and Anything Else = shit."
John Robins, Comedian
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:07:43+00:00
John Robins, Comedian
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/john-robins-comedian/
"Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle seems to be driving itself up his backside."
Jamespearse, Twitter
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:19:59+00:00
Jamespearse, Twitter
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/jamespearse-twitter/
"Not one joke delivered. Absolutely the worst comedian I have ever had the misfortune to encounter. Don't waste your money or time. Only comedian that I have ever thought of walking out on."
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:26:39+00:00
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/dave-wilson-chortle-com/
"Fuck this Stewart Lee twat, fuck anyone that agrees with him, and FUCK PC."
Mearecate, Youtube
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T17:39:52+00:00
Mearecate, Youtube
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/mearecate-youtube/
"A cultural bully from the Oxbridge Mafia who wants to appear morally superior but couldn't cut the mustard on a panel game."
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T16:46:50+00:00
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/lee-mack-mack-the-life/
"Stewart Lee should jump in his 'comedy vehicle' and drive it off a very high cliff. Whoever this youth is, he sounds about as funny as three weeks of really bad weather!"
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:19:31+00:00
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/shane-beverley-dailymail-co-uk/
"This has to be the most unfunny stand up I've ever seen. I've not laughed, smirked or grinned once at Lee's quips. What an absolute waste of time. 0/10."
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:05:28+00:00
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/alwyn-digiguide-tv/
"Without warning I was drawn from watching the ?excelllent Jeremy Paxman to a loathsome comedian gratuitously using the "c" word. I found this extremely unacceptable, as did my recently widowed mother."
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Stewart Lee
2019-02-01T20:35:16+00:00
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
https://www.stewartlee.co.uk/testimonials/anon-bbc-complaints-log/
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Stewart Lee