Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
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Bosco239, youtube
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Brighton Argus
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Wharto15, Twitter
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Guest1001, Youtube
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World Without End, Twitter
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Stuart, Chortle
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FBC, finalgear.com
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John Robins, Comedian
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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A D Ward, Twitter
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Etienne, Chortle.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury