The Tom Waits of 2008 has ventured far from the conventional balladry his career began with in the early Seventies, and deep into the forest of weird, faux-experimental fairground music. Tonight he appears as a dishevelled hobo, complete with Tourettes spasms and ticks, standing in a circus ring. Birds have eaten his breadcrumb trail. There’s no way back out of the woods.
The Glitter and Doom Tour, its UK dates limited to two nights in Edinburgh Playhouse, costs £102.50 a ticket, and punters are required to show photo i.d on arrival. We were offered unsolicited advice on the unsuitability of ours after we had been let in, which I suppose is all part of the service for such a high ticket price. Waits takes the stage, the set resembling a carnival in a junkyard, forty minutes late, just as the slow handclap started, and then orchestrates the ebb and flow of applause. He stamps his feet. Pre-positioned dust rises in a cloud. He sings, all the lyrics rendered incomprehensible by the growl that grows more guttural with the years. The band clump their clownish reels, a square’s idea of weird. Every shift in mood, every gesture Waits makes, is shadowed by superbly slick and subtle lighting changes. But everything is calculated and pre-ordained. This isn’t a gig. It’s a theatre piece. And Waits and his band are actors, playing the role of a band in an American Gothic fantasy. During Eyeball Kid Waits puts on a shiny hat which reflects the light. There’s a standing ovation. The Edinburgh Fringe starts next week. At The Standing Order pub there’s a guy called Mr Methane who can fart the national anthem. These people need to get out more.
The band leave. Waits sits at the piano. He tells a funny story about something that supposedly happened last time he was in Edinburgh, but like a visiting hack American comic who hasn’t done his local research, maintains it involved swallowing a ‘bullfrog’ in someone’s ‘yard’. Everyone laughs. He dismisses requests, – “Those are all requests, but they’re your requests” – and even though we appreciate he’s in character as a grouchy genius, a little humility wouldn’t go amiss at these prices. Waits plays Innocent When You Dream and hands the chorus over to the crowd, the one moment in the evening when something genuine seemed to happen, before the band, now augmented by his son Sullivan on bongos, return for a closing set of more rootsy, less contrived material. His son? Tom Waits could have a son, sure, but would the shaking hobo-clown-huckster, and could the hobo-clown-huckster’s son afford sneakers? What is it we are watching exactly? The artifice of Waits’ latter-day act makes it difficult to respond to emotionally, as you never feel you’re reaching anything real, but now it’s being compromised by inappropriate footwear. At least make the boy pretend to have a club foot or something.
Nonetheless, the crowd are ecstatic. Was it an example of the West End musical effect, where high prices mean the audience have already invested so heavily, both financially and emotionally, in the event that it can’t fail? Or, like the medicine show shysters of old, whose schtick Waits’ has appropriated, is the old devil just a master salesman?
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com