Choose a song which has, at sometime, seemed like a soundtrack to your life, they said.
This choice, I am afraid, is largely about the act of listening itself. There were no other people involved. It does not trigger a memory of some vast social shift, or conjure a golden era. I did not emerge from my encounter with this piece of music as a better person. If anything, it ruined me, and made me fit for few practical purposes. It is the sound of doors slamming in my face.
I first heard The Fall’s single I’m Into CB in early 1982, aged 13, on the John Peel show late at night in the dark. I was alone listening to music, as I have been for most of my life. I did not know who The Fall were at the time and I’m Into CB seemed impossibly annoying. There was no chorus. There was no middle eight. Two guitar chords slashed around its vast formless space. A xylophone beat out a single note throughout. A man shouted incomprehensible stream-of-consciousness lyrics, making no concession to conventional notions of singing. It went on for six and a half minutes, and the band’s occasional extemporisations around the restrictive structure seemed to betray apparent frustration rather than joy. I thought it was one of the worst things I had ever heard.
Why would anyone make this music?, I wondered, with my Madness and Specials tapes stacked by my bed. It clearly had no commercial potential. Surely, no-one could actually like it? Yet, over the following weeks, as Peel repeatedly played I’m Into CB, I became captivated by it, and within a year I’d spent my paper round money on buying every record the Manchester punk veterans had released. One day, as a special treat, the classical music schedule of our school musical appreciation class was suspended and we were allowed to play whatever we wanted to the rest of the class. Our music teacher turned off I’m Into CB in a fury, assuming that I had submitted it as an attempt to subvert the lesson. To allay his suspicions, I then had to explain in front of the class why I liked the record. The Fall could not be accommodated. Authority could not loosen its tie and meet them half way.
The John Peel show, where I first heard The Fall, was a good example of old school, prescriptive, paternalistic BBC broadcasting, an approach that has vanished with the DJ. Peel didn’t give us what we thought we wanted. He gave us what he thought we needed. And we all need The Fall. Apart from a wobble around 1991, when I had an rebellious ideological issue with the group’s use of programmed beats, I have never looked back. But God, being a Fall fan is exhausting. Doubtless the musicians that caught your imagination as a thirteen year old have long since died, or given up, or carried on as ever more faded shadows of their former selves. Thus, you are relieved of living up to the absolutist standards your teenage self set you. Joe Strummer is dead. It is time to move on. Nick Cave is South Bank Show material. And Kurt Cobain’s suicide has set you free. But the Fall’s leader Mark E Smith is fifty and still out there, undimmed, howling at the moon over two note riffs, taunting Fall fans with his refusal to ft in, threatening to drain our spare cash on unnecessary live albums and reliably erratic tour dates for ever and ever and ever, providing the standard against which most else pales.
Sometimes, I wish I’d never heard I’m Into CB.
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter