The inevitable victory of the Scottish independence campaign and the subsequent collapse of the Labour vote in the sorry remnants of the UK will see the next election won by a coalition of The Ukip and The Conservative party. Then the Bullingdon boys’ lack of appeal to the common man will eventually leave the country entirely crushed by The Ukip’s steel-capped Hush Puppy, as a pipe and cardigan version of The Golden Dawn gradually reshapes society in its own image, smothering dissent under an enormous tartan travel rug of hate.
But whether one is a supporter of The Ukip’s position on immigration or not, at least it is easy to grasp. The Ukip dislikes immigration even more than it loves smoking in pubs. But I was born here so I’m all right. What concerns me, as a professional creative, is the apparent incoherence of the anti-immigration party’s arts policy, as this will have a direct effect on my own quality of life, financial future and access to touring theatre productions should I chose to leave London and live in a region.
The closing night’s entertainment at The Ukip’s conference, it transpired last week, took the form of a 45-minute routine by a comedian called Paul Eastwood, who did funny Asian accents, performed a traditional Midlands folk song which turned out to be an impression of a Muslim prayer call, and told three Asian women in the room that they looked a little bit lost. It sounds like any Christmas Day in our family in the 70s.
But without having attended The Ukip’s party we can’t be sure if Eastwood’s act was an ironic parody of a pre-PC standup, whether the supposedly offensive material was daringly contrasted and contextualised by material from a more liberal and perhaps pro-immigration or anti-white perspective, or whether Eastwood was so beloved by the entire crowd, perhaps full of people of many different cultures, that his interaction with the three Asian ladies had more of the flavour of gentle tickling from a drunk and over-friendly Christmas uncle, than of outright racial provocation.
But what’s interesting, for anyone considering working as an artist under the forthcoming Ukip government, or reading or seeing anything interesting ever again should The Ukip be elected, is the response of the party’s leader, Nigel Farage, whose simple statement on the Eastwood incident swiftly and definitively unraveled decades of anxieties about The Political Correctness Gone Mad: “Enough is enough,” declared Farage. “Let people tell their jokes! If what they say is inappropriate they won’t earn a living because they won’t get booked again.” Pure. Simple. Classic. It’s the kind of straight-talking, no-nonsense approach that has already endeared Farage to millions of nuance-resistant voters nationwide.
Unfortunately, Farage’s definitive statement on ethics and taste in art, defining culture purely in terms of its market value, was compromised this week by the contradictory actions of his deputy leader, Paul Nuttalls. Nuttalls has been trying to prevent the gay comedy singing duo Jonny and the Baptists from completing the 17 dates of their current Stop Ukip Tour. The duo have the political edge of 80s alternative comedy but Jonny Donahoe has a pop soul voice to win X Factor. We took my sister-in-law to see them in Edinburgh and she loved it. That said, they’re not stadium sized, and their 17 dates are mainly in 150-seater rooms. The idea that a tour of this size, performed by two men and one guitar, could “stop Ukip” is surely part of what makes it funny to call it The Stop Ukip Tour.
The Ukip’s own press release on The Stop Ukip Tour is one of those strange press releases that describe the actions of the people responsible for issuing the press release as if they were actual news, with an independent life beyond the press release they have been written about in by themselves. It begins thus: “The Arts Council has come under fire for wasting public money on a political satire show due to start touring in the north west.” But it hasn’t. Because it didn’t. It has only come under fire in this press release.
The Stop Ukip show itself has received no funding. Six of the 17 venues on the Baptists’ tour receive no funding. The others perhaps have a contribution to running costs from a local authority, and Arts Council money. When I tour council-funded venues I am often surprised that they host people such as Roy Chubby Brown, Jim Davidson, hosts of dubious mediums, and Jon “Gaunty” Gaunt, who no doubt offend the sensibilities of arts administrators who learned their craft at polytechnics during the PC era of the 80s and 90s. But council-funded venues have complex briefs to balance populist, profit-making performances with things that tick aspirational arts boxes. Maybe Paul Nuttalls knows this, and deliberately issued one of those misleading statements, like Gove’s one about teachers using the Mr Men to tell kids about Nazism, hoping it can cause maximum damage before it is discredited.
The Ukip’s press release concludes, its doublespeak undimmed; “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and Ukip is very much the party of free speech but I… have written to the Arts Council about this… distasteful satire.” Nuttalls’s boss, Farage, meanwhile, sees the demand of the market as the only arbiter of taste, and does not believe judgments about the value of a performance can be substantiated above and beyond a simple measurement of its popularity.
Trying to shut down theatre productions, like burning books, always looks bad, I think. But saying anything is fine if it sells well seems philistine. To be fair to The Ukip, they are learning on the job, and formulating a coherent arts policy was never high on their agenda, which is concerned mainly with deterring foreigners. Even the Tories struggled to define the purpose and value of culture, with Maria Miller, the culture secretary, initially assessing it in purely commercial terms, even as Michael Gove insisted Middlemarch was inherently better than Twilight, despite the latter’s vast commercial success in the free market. Given that these two intellectual titans struggled to find a workable definition of the value and purpose of culture, what hope is there for The Ukip? Well, should they need a culture secretary, The Ukip need look no further than the beloved mainstay of British entertainment who announced his intention of joining the party this week – Jethro. And Jethro says, “Bull’cks to Europe!”
Stewart Lee’s Comedy Vehicle is on BBC2 at 10pm on Saturdays, except in Wales, where it appears randomly.
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk