The Tom Waits of 2008 has ventured far from the conventional balladry his career began with in the early Seventies, and deep into the forest of weird, faux-experimental fairground music. Tonight he appears as a dishevelled hobo, complete with Tourettes spasms and ticks, standing in a circus ring. Birds have eaten his breadcrumb trail. There’s no way back out of the woods.
The Glitter and Doom Tour, its UK dates limited to two nights in Edinburgh Playhouse, costs £102.50 a ticket, and punters are required to show photo i.d on arrival. We were offered unsolicited advice on the unsuitability of ours after we had been let in, which I suppose is all part of the service for such a high ticket price. Waits takes the stage, the set resembling a carnival in a junkyard, forty minutes late, just as the slow handclap started, and then orchestrates the ebb and flow of applause. He stamps his feet. Pre-positioned dust rises in a cloud. He sings, all the lyrics rendered incomprehensible by the growl that grows more guttural with the years. The band clump their clownish reels, a square’s idea of weird. Every shift in mood, every gesture Waits makes, is shadowed by superbly slick and subtle lighting changes. But everything is calculated and pre-ordained. This isn’t a gig. It’s a theatre piece. And Waits and his band are actors, playing the role of a band in an American Gothic fantasy. During Eyeball Kid Waits puts on a shiny hat which reflects the light. There’s a standing ovation. The Edinburgh Fringe starts next week. At The Standing Order pub there’s a guy called Mr Methane who can fart the national anthem. These people need to get out more.
The band leave. Waits sits at the piano. He tells a funny story about something that supposedly happened last time he was in Edinburgh, but like a visiting hack American comic who hasn’t done his local research, maintains it involved swallowing a ‘bullfrog’ in someone’s ‘yard’. Everyone laughs. He dismisses requests, – “Those are all requests, but they’re your requests” – and even though we appreciate he’s in character as a grouchy genius, a little humility wouldn’t go amiss at these prices. Waits plays Innocent When You Dream and hands the chorus over to the crowd, the one moment in the evening when something genuine seemed to happen, before the band, now augmented by his son Sullivan on bongos, return for a closing set of more rootsy, less contrived material. His son? Tom Waits could have a son, sure, but would the shaking hobo-clown-huckster, and could the hobo-clown-huckster’s son afford sneakers? What is it we are watching exactly? The artifice of Waits’ latter-day act makes it difficult to respond to emotionally, as you never feel you’re reaching anything real, but now it’s being compromised by inappropriate footwear. At least make the boy pretend to have a club foot or something.
Nonetheless, the crowd are ecstatic. Was it an example of the West End musical effect, where high prices mean the audience have already invested so heavily, both financially and emotionally, in the event that it can’t fail? Or, like the medicine show shysters of old, whose schtick Waits’ has appropriated, is the old devil just a master salesman?
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Z-factor, Twitter.
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube