The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
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Peter Ould, Youtube
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Brighton Argus
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Idrie, Youtube
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Stuart, Chortle
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Anon, westhamonline.com
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Shit Crit, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Chez, Chortle.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter