The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Zoot Cadillac, Twitter
Zoot Cadillac, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Spursguy, Youtube
Spursguy, Youtube
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
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John Robins, Comedian
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Mearecate, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Z-factor, Twitter.
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Shit Crit, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
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Al Murray, Comedian
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Richard Herring, Comedian
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Herald Scotland.
Herald Scotland.
Dan McCaid, Twitter
Dan McCaid, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Etienne, Chortle.com
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
XPIJONpsY, Twitter
XPIJONpsY, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Funday’schild, youtube.
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube