The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
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Al Murray, Comedian
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Funday’schild, youtube.
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube