The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
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Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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John Robins, Comedian
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
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Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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World Without End, Twitter
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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GRTak, finalgear.com
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
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Shit Crit, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
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Anon, westhamonline.com
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Bosco239, youtube
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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Chez, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Guest1001, Youtube
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Leach Juice, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Richard Herring, Comedian
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter