The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Len Firewood, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Pudabaya, Twitter
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
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98rosjon, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
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A D Ward, Twitter
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Keilloh, Twitter
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Meninblack, Twitter
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Al Murray, Comedian
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World Without End, Twitter
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
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Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
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Mearecate, Youtube
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12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
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GRTak, finalgear.com
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
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Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
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Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
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Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Funday’schild, youtube.
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube