The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
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Len Firewood, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
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John Robins, Comedian
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Gabrielle, Chortle.com
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
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Emilyistrendy, Youtube
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Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
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Pnethor, pne-online.com
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Anamatronix, Youtube
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
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Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
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Joycey, readytogo.net
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Hiewy, Youtube
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Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
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Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
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Guest1001, Youtube
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Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Mearecate, Youtube
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Z-factor, Twitter.
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Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
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Kozzy06, Youtube
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
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Shit Crit, Twitter
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
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Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Borathigh5, Youtube
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Secretdeveloper, Youtube
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Visualiser1, Twitter
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NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Mrdavisn01, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
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Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
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Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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World Without End, Twitter
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Chez, Chortle.com
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Peter Ould, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Wharto15, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Meninblack, Twitter
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A D Ward, Twitter
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GRTak, finalgear.com
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98rosjon, Twitter
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Frankie Boyle, Comedian
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Jackmumf, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter