The first song I remember hearing
while on holiday with my mum in Mallorca. I remember sitting by some candles in the dark by lake, and this Spanish guitarist playing The Concierto de Aranjuez by Joaquín Rodrigo. It was only in my 20s when I was listening to Sketches of Spain by Miles Davis, which features the same concerto, I realised what it was.
The first single I bought
I remember liking Sugar Baby Love by the Rubettes on Top Of The Pops in 1974, so my mum walked me up to Woolworths on Stratford Road in Shirley. Years later I was on the bill in a small room in Wycombe Swan theatre. The Rubettes and Alvin Stardust were on in the main theatre, and I stole the Rubettes’ sandwiches, because we didn’t have our own catering.
The song I do at karaoke
King of the Road by Roger Miller really swings along, so anyone can manage it, plus it’s got standup comedy timing. Plus, I am the king of the road!
The best song to play at a party
There’s a six-minute version of Snoop Dogg’s song Gin & Juice by this great hillbilly band called the Gourds. At first, people think: “What’s this rubbish?” then Snoop Dogg creeps up. It’s really danceable with a great mandolin break.
The song I secretly like but tell everyone I hate
So many blokey songs like The Boys of Summer by Don Henley felt massively overproduced back in the 80s, but I now listen to them with a real sense of nostalgia.
The song I can no longer listen to
Sadly, Morrissey. Loads of artists end up doing terrible things, but the Smiths meant such a lot to my generation, to have him drift to the far right doesn’t sit. I remember hearing How Soon Is Now when I went to see the Smiths at Birmingham Hippodrome and dancing to it at a disco in Tucson, Arizona in 1995. It’s hard to let go of my childhood attachment to the Smiths, but I don’t know how to square Morrissey’s solo stuff with what he’s become.
The best song to have sex to
The entire double album of Public Castration Is a Good Idea by Swans.
The song that changed my life
I grew up listening to John Peel, but found the Fall irritating, repetitive and unintelligible. Finally, through sheer weight of attrition, I heard I’m Into CB and something clicked, and I became a lifelong fan. They expanded my horizons as I learned more about the people their lyrics alluded to, like Franz Kafka, and I listened to their influences like the Velvet Underground. My life would have been very different without Mark E Smith. I don’t know if I would have done English at university, or even become a comedian.
The song that gets me up in the morning
Guided By Voices make about six albums a year and have been going since the mid-80s. They’ve written hundreds of songs, and Glad Girls will get you up in the morning.
The song I want played at my funeral
Sean Hughes’s funeral was very funny. He had Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by the Smiths, so I might copy him, or have Giant Sand’s country rock version of Is That All There Is? by Peggy Lee.
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
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Etienne, Chortle.com
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Danazawa, Youtube
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Mini-x2, readytogo.net
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
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Peter Ould, Youtube
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Gwaites, Digitalspy
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Tokyofist, Youtube
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Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
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Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
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Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Funday’schild, youtube.
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
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Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Dick Socrates, Twitter
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Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
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Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
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Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Joe, Independent.co.uk
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
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Richard Herring, Comedian
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Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
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Stokeylitfest, Twitter
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
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Peter Fears, Twitter
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Chez, Chortle.com
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Jamespearse, Twitter
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Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Cyberbloke, Twitter
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Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
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Sam Rooney, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
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General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
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Liam Travitt, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube