YOU’D have to be as drunk as Phil Mitchell to find Celebrity Juice funny. It’s like a tenth rate Shooting Stars.
People titter because Keith Lemon leers at breasts and says “milk, milk”. What are we, six? Ooh, he said fanny, he said poo…
On his live show, Lemon got his first laughs with “Oh f***, we’re live”, followed by “I whacked her in the face with me c**k”.
Oscar Wilde eat yer heart out. This is lobotomised comedy aimed at the Club 18-30 crowd after a night on Jägerbombs – the comic equivalent of a tanked-up footballer at Cheltenham.
It’s lazy toilet humour bereft of wit or insight but it’s still arguably preferable to Stewart Lee’s smart-arse ramblings. Lee caters for the smug, right-on, middle class Guardian-reading crowd – the people who share his elitist prejudices.
He despises Only Fools & Horses, arguably the greatest British sitcom ever made, and only last week said Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust album made him “physically sick”.
On Thursday he turned his fire on the English flag, linking it falsely to the 1970s National Front (who actually marched behind the Union Jack).
He then spent two thirds of a dull, self-indulgent show talking about his cat, allegedly called Jeremy Corbyn, and its diarrhoea – blowing a raspberry for three minutes while it defecated on the cross of St George.
Looking for laughs in this garbage is like searching for the meaning of life in a Joey Essex documentary. Ah, but clever people tell me I’m missing the joke.
Stewart Lee is just as much a character as Keith Lemon, they say, but brighter. His rambling, repetitive shtick is an act.
He’s actually subverting comedy. Maybe so, but 1) it’s very hard to tell where the fake Lee stops and the real Lee starts, and 2) this is the fourth series ploughing the same shallow furrow.
Like a herpes sore, there is no getting rid of him. Comedy is a matter of taste, of course, but it’s a matter of fact that Oxbridge comedians – which Lee is – get most TV bookings because Oxbridge educated commissioners control the process. The same kind of cretins who sacked Les Dawson…
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Herald Scotland.
Herald Scotland.
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Zoot Cadillac, Twitter
Zoot Cadillac, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Dan McCaid, Twitter
Dan McCaid, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Spursguy, Youtube
Spursguy, Youtube
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
XPIJONpsY, Twitter
XPIJONpsY, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter