Will Self has written a puff piece in the New Statesman on Stewart Lee and various instruments across the globe measuring the degree of wank in the world have exploded it has been revealed.
Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said ‘My Twat barometer melted last night.’
‘Then the Wankometer blew up followed by the Arse-i-flex erupting. I have never seen such behaviour on our instruments.’
‘I knew from these actions some horrific trio of turd had occurred and upon investigation found the article.’
‘Despite being politically in the same place, both myself and world instruments can’t cope with the sheer volume of shite. There was a worrying wobble in Neptune’s gravitational field at the same time.’
‘If this causes the universe to implode, I’m going to be really, really annoyed.’
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
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Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
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Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
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Slothy Matt, Twitter
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GRTak, finalgear.com
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
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Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
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Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
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Anamatronix, Youtube
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
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Etienne, Chortle.com
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
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Robert Gavin, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
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Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
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Al Murray, Comedian
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Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
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Sweeping Curves, Twitter
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Chez, Chortle.com
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Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
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Shit Crit, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
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Tin Frog, Twitter
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Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
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Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
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Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
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Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
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Len Firewood, Twitter
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Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
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Bosco239, youtube
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Guest1001, Youtube
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
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Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
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Fowkes81, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
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Jackmumf, Twitter
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Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com