Will Self has written a puff piece in the New Statesman on Stewart Lee and various instruments across the globe measuring the degree of wank in the world have exploded it has been revealed.
Professor Charles Langtree of The Felchfield Institute said ‘My Twat barometer melted last night.’
‘Then the Wankometer blew up followed by the Arse-i-flex erupting. I have never seen such behaviour on our instruments.’
‘I knew from these actions some horrific trio of turd had occurred and upon investigation found the article.’
‘Despite being politically in the same place, both myself and world instruments can’t cope with the sheer volume of shite. There was a worrying wobble in Neptune’s gravitational field at the same time.’
‘If this causes the universe to implode, I’m going to be really, really annoyed.’
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
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Z-factor, Twitter.
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
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Carcrazychica, Youtube
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Clampdown59, Twitter.
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
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Sidsings000, Youtube
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Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
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Mpf1947, Youtube
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
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Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk