It wasn’t, on the face of it, my idea of a stellar evening out: a workshop production of a chat-show-/opera. But Tom Morris, artistic director of Battersea Arts Centre (and brother of Chris as in Brass Eye), was brimming with enthusiasm for his new show. It seemed churlish to be deterred by the fact that his invitation combined two pet hates, south London and fringe theatre. Last time I combined the two I disgraced myself. My friend Shuna was playing Henry Purcell’s wife in a play about the composer. She had to step onstage cradling a bloodied bundle of rags and say, “My babies, all dead – dead – all my dead babies.” At this point I was overcome by a fit of giggles so bad that I had to stuff my shirtsleeve in my mouth. Clearly I wasn’t grown-up enough for this kind of enterprise.
Luckily, Kombat Opera’s production of Jerry Springer: the Opera is magnificently lacking in maturity, so it hit my level nicely. Instead of dead babies you get an adult American male who gets off on soiled diapers, or a hillbilly member of the Ku Klux Klan who harbours a much worse secret: “I prefer flowers to people.” It is a work of utter comic genius. The concept is brilliantly simple. The libretto is drawn pretty much verbatim from Jerry Springer’s real-life chat-show, but, with the exception of the actor playing Jerry, every exchange is sung with the idiom and musical sincerity of classical opera. The collision of low sentiment and high culture creates a tidal wave of comic energy.
The show opens with a chorus of trailer-trash who form the show’s “audience” singing “J-e-rr-rr-y” with the fervour of a messianic requiem. Better still are the guests who spew their traumas and peccadillos as heartfelt arias. Gormless Charlene sings to her love-cheat boyfriend, Dwight: “I remember when we was young, we was full of hope, until we got addicted to crack and dope.” A statuesque blonde, Kylie, reveals to her lover, Stan, that she’s really a man, at which the chorus trill in shocked delight, “Chick with a dick!” Sadly, most lines are too profane to repeat in a family newspaper. The chorus is particularly foul-mouthed, bigoted and true to life, deriding a bisexual as a “faggot-loser”, a lap-dancer as a “strip-slut”, and everyone else as “assholes”. It’s opera, but not as we know it.
The first-night audience watched with a palpable sense of rapture. It was good to see Chris Morris among them, keeping up with bad taste everywhere – though the opera had even more to recommend it than low-rent laughs. The singing and direction are excellent. The music, composed by Richard Thomas, makes sly nods at everyone from Mozart to Sondheim, while holding its own as an original composition, and the libretto embraces every modern malaise going. Take celebrity-itis: the central refrain goes, “This is a Jerry Springer moment, we don’t want this moment to end, so cover us in chocolate and throw us to the lesbians.”
I had that rare, tingling feeling that I was witnessing something about to fly. I’d be amazed if the fully realised show doesn’t become a West End hit, doing for opera what Adventures in Motion Pictures’ Swan Lake did for ballet. When you look at it, there’s little difference between the triangular relationship at the centre of Strauss’s Der Rosenkavalier and the Springer opera’s threesomes. Rosenkavalier’s male lead, Octavian, is a man dressed as a woman, played by a woman, so it all comes down to chicks with dicks.
Inspired, I started to dream up similar ventures. EastEnders, for example, as a country and western musical, with Dolly Parton a ringer for Peggy Mitchell. You can just see her singing in plaintive, bell-like tones, “You’re a slag Pat Butcher – you always were and you always will be.” Crimewatch, meanwhile, could breathe new life into pantomime. When Nick Ross asks, “Have you seen this man?” the audience can shout, “He’s behind you.” And I’m keen on a Kabuki version of the porn classic Deep Throat. All-male casts mean you can’t be accused of degrading women, and there’s at least one foreign market sorted.
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter