It wasn’t, on the face of it, my idea of a stellar evening out: a workshop production of a chat-show-/opera. But Tom Morris, artistic director of Battersea Arts Centre (and brother of Chris as in Brass Eye), was brimming with enthusiasm for his new show. It seemed churlish to be deterred by the fact that his invitation combined two pet hates, south London and fringe theatre. Last time I combined the two I disgraced myself. My friend Shuna was playing Henry Purcell’s wife in a play about the composer. She had to step onstage cradling a bloodied bundle of rags and say, “My babies, all dead – dead – all my dead babies.” At this point I was overcome by a fit of giggles so bad that I had to stuff my shirtsleeve in my mouth. Clearly I wasn’t grown-up enough for this kind of enterprise.
Luckily, Kombat Opera’s production of Jerry Springer: the Opera is magnificently lacking in maturity, so it hit my level nicely. Instead of dead babies you get an adult American male who gets off on soiled diapers, or a hillbilly member of the Ku Klux Klan who harbours a much worse secret: “I prefer flowers to people.” It is a work of utter comic genius. The concept is brilliantly simple. The libretto is drawn pretty much verbatim from Jerry Springer’s real-life chat-show, but, with the exception of the actor playing Jerry, every exchange is sung with the idiom and musical sincerity of classical opera. The collision of low sentiment and high culture creates a tidal wave of comic energy.
The show opens with a chorus of trailer-trash who form the show’s “audience” singing “J-e-rr-rr-y” with the fervour of a messianic requiem. Better still are the guests who spew their traumas and peccadillos as heartfelt arias. Gormless Charlene sings to her love-cheat boyfriend, Dwight: “I remember when we was young, we was full of hope, until we got addicted to crack and dope.” A statuesque blonde, Kylie, reveals to her lover, Stan, that she’s really a man, at which the chorus trill in shocked delight, “Chick with a dick!” Sadly, most lines are too profane to repeat in a family newspaper. The chorus is particularly foul-mouthed, bigoted and true to life, deriding a bisexual as a “faggot-loser”, a lap-dancer as a “strip-slut”, and everyone else as “assholes”. It’s opera, but not as we know it.
The first-night audience watched with a palpable sense of rapture. It was good to see Chris Morris among them, keeping up with bad taste everywhere – though the opera had even more to recommend it than low-rent laughs. The singing and direction are excellent. The music, composed by Richard Thomas, makes sly nods at everyone from Mozart to Sondheim, while holding its own as an original composition, and the libretto embraces every modern malaise going. Take celebrity-itis: the central refrain goes, “This is a Jerry Springer moment, we don’t want this moment to end, so cover us in chocolate and throw us to the lesbians.”
I had that rare, tingling feeling that I was witnessing something about to fly. I’d be amazed if the fully realised show doesn’t become a West End hit, doing for opera what Adventures in Motion Pictures’ Swan Lake did for ballet. When you look at it, there’s little difference between the triangular relationship at the centre of Strauss’s Der Rosenkavalier and the Springer opera’s threesomes. Rosenkavalier’s male lead, Octavian, is a man dressed as a woman, played by a woman, so it all comes down to chicks with dicks.
Inspired, I started to dream up similar ventures. EastEnders, for example, as a country and western musical, with Dolly Parton a ringer for Peggy Mitchell. You can just see her singing in plaintive, bell-like tones, “You’re a slag Pat Butcher – you always were and you always will be.” Crimewatch, meanwhile, could breathe new life into pantomime. When Nick Ross asks, “Have you seen this man?” the audience can shout, “He’s behind you.” And I’m keen on a Kabuki version of the porn classic Deep Throat. All-male casts mean you can’t be accused of degrading women, and there’s at least one foreign market sorted.
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com