Christmas 1972. My mother and I lived at my grandparents’, and my grandad had had a stroke.
I wanted Father Christmas to bring me a castle for Christmas.
I did not realise this was essentially asking my cash-strapped mother for an extra and expensive gift. But Father Christmas delivered the castle, and it was waiting in the morning. Working portcullis. Raised ramparts. Perfect. We lived next door to an old Scottish carpenter with bad eyesight, and budgies. “Go next door and thank Mr Archer for making your castle,” said my grandad. “I thought Father Christmas made it?” I said.
My grandad hastily concocted a cover. “He did. But Mr Archer helped him with it.” I was only four, but I realised that if there was a Father Christmas, he wouldn’t be subcontracting castles to Scottish carpenters. He had elves for that. Ever since, I’ve been an atheist sceptic, but I never lacked a sense of wonder.
What is more inspiring, the flying sled gift man and the barn-born baby, or the retired carpenter, knocking together a handmade castle for the boy of the divorcee next door?
Last Christmas I unboxed it, and gave it to my son.
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Henry Howard Fun, Twitter
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Rowing Rob, Guardian.co.uk
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Slothy Matt, Twitter
Anamatronix, Youtube
Anamatronix, Youtube
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Esme Folley, Actress, cellist, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Mrdavisn01, Twitter
Al Murray, Comedian
Al Murray, Comedian
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
Neva2busy, dontstartmeoff.com
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
NevW47479, UKTV.co.uk
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Karen Laidlaw, Edfringe. com.
Leach Juice, Twitter
Leach Juice, Twitter
Danazawa, Youtube
Danazawa, Youtube
A D Ward, Twitter
A D Ward, Twitter
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Meanstreetelite, Peoplesrepublicofcork
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Cyberbloke, Twitter
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Anon, BBC Complaints Log
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Aaron, comedy.co.uk
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Joskins, Leeds Music Forum
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Patrick Kavanagh, Guardian.co.uk
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Liam Travitt, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Tweeter Kyriakou, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Zombie Hamster, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Jamespearse, Twitter
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Alwyn, Digiguide.tv
Keilloh, Twitter
Keilloh, Twitter
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Someoneyoudon'tknow, Chortle.com
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Aiden Hearn, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Fowkes81, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Tweeterkiryakou, Twitter
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Lee Mack, Mack The Life, 2012
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Bobby Bhoy, Twitter
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Syhr, breakbeat.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Deepbass, Guardian.co.uk
Z-factor, Twitter.
Z-factor, Twitter.
FBC, finalgear.com
FBC, finalgear.com
Pudabaya, Twitter
Pudabaya, Twitter
Funday’schild, youtube.
Funday’schild, youtube.
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joe, Independent.co.uk
Joycey, readytogo.net
Joycey, readytogo.net
Peter Ould, Youtube
Peter Ould, Youtube
Etienne, Chortle.com
Etienne, Chortle.com
Hiewy, Youtube
Hiewy, Youtube
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Spanner, dontstartmeoff.com
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Tres Ryan, Twitter
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
Shane, Beverley, Dailymail.co.uk
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
James Dellingpole, Daily Telegraph
GRTak, finalgear.com
GRTak, finalgear.com
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
12dgdgdgdgdgdg, Youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Bosco239, youtube
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Daily Telegraph
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Carla, St Albans, Dailymail.co.uk
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Dick Socrates, Twitter
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Anonymous, don'tstartmeoff.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Gabrielle, Chortle.com
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Mini-x2, readytogo.net
Shit Crit, Twitter
Shit Crit, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Horatio Melvin, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Pirate Crocodile, Twitter
Stuart, Chortle
Stuart, Chortle
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Alex Quarmby, Edfringe.com
Idrie, Youtube
Idrie, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Secretdeveloper, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Foxfoxton, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Sidsings000, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
Emilyistrendy, Youtube
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
General Lurko 36, Guardian.co.uk
Wharto15, Twitter
Wharto15, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Lucinda Locketts, Twitter
Tokyofist, Youtube
Tokyofist, Youtube
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Brendon, Vauxhallownersnetwork.co.uk
Visualiser1, Twitter
Visualiser1, Twitter
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Clampdown59, Twitter.
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Microcuts 22, Twitter
Anon, westhamonline.com
Anon, westhamonline.com
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Dominic Cavendish, Telegraph
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
Genghis McKahn, Guardian.co.uk
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
DVDhth's grandparents, Twitter
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Carcrazychica, Youtube
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Dave Wilson, Chortle.com
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Robert Gavin, Twitter
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Gwaites, Digitalspy
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Pnethor, pne-online.com
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
Whoiscuriousgeorge, Youtube
World Without End, Twitter
World Without End, Twitter
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
Coxy, Dontstartmeoff.com
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
BBC iPlayer edition of discussion of Stewart Lee on A Good Read
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Fairy Pingu, Twitter
Chez, Chortle.com
Chez, Chortle.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Anon, dontstartmeoff.com
Tin Frog, Twitter
Tin Frog, Twitter
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Neolab, Guardian.co.uk
Len Firewood, Twitter
Len Firewood, Twitter
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Yukio Mishima, dontstartmeoff.com
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Dahoum, Guardian.co.uk
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Stokeylitfest, Twitter
Guest1001, Youtube
Guest1001, Youtube
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
Anonymous, The Northfield Patriot
98rosjon, Twitter
98rosjon, Twitter
Rudeness, Youtube
Rudeness, Youtube
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Contrapuntal, Twitter
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Johnny Kitkat, dontstartmeoff.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Pudabaya, beexcellenttoeachother.com
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mpf1947, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Mearecate, Youtube
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Gmanthedemon, bbc.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Cojones2, Guardian.co.uk
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Iain, eatenbymissionaries
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Sam Rooney, Youtube
Peter Ould, Twitter
Peter Ould, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Lenny Darksphere, Twitter
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Cabluigi, Guardian.co.uk
Meninblack, Twitter
Meninblack, Twitter
Kozzy06, Youtube
Kozzy06, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Lancethrustworthy, Youtube
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Ishamayura Byrd, Twitter
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Nicetime, Guardian.co.uk
Richard Herring, Comedian
Richard Herring, Comedian
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
Birmingham Sunday Mercury
John Robins, Comedian
John Robins, Comedian
Borathigh5, Youtube
Borathigh5, Youtube
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Lents, redandwhitekop.com
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Frankie Boyle, Comedian
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Guest, Dontstartmeoff.com
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Maninabananasuit, Guardian.co.uk
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Rubyshoes, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Sweeping Curves, Twitter
Brighton Argus
Brighton Argus
Jackmumf, Twitter
Jackmumf, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter
Peter Fears, Twitter