The idea that you should not judge a book by its cover is offensive to graphic designers who spend hours moving images around on their computers to satisfy the idiot whims of marketing men trying to sell things they have not read to people they have nothing but contempt for. So, you should judge a book by its cover. What would you have made of the Perfect Fool front pages that never made it?
Click on the images to enlarge them.

1

This was the 1st suggestion from 4th Estate. Look at it closely my internet friend. My experience of 12 years as a stand-up is that you can present apparently tasteless material sensitively as long as you don't appear to delight in it. For this reason, I was anxious that the animal-sex material should not be mentioned even in press releases. At first I liked the picture. Then I looked at the tail fin.. "I'm not sure about the nun-pig cartoon", I said to the marketing man. "You're right," he said, "she should be blonde and have bigger tits." Hmm, that wasn't really what I meant.

2

What was our reliable independently contracted designer, Jon Carnall, thinking here?
He assures me he did this for a laugh knowing I would panic.

I did.

 

 

 

3

After the pig sex debacle of cover 1, 4th Estate asked me for suggestions.
I tried to pluck an image out of the book and settled on the mouse being shot out of the reservation on a firework.
I liked this, but I don't know if I'd buy it.

 

 

4

This was better. Though there were worries that it looked like a Science Fiction book. I like Science Fiction (Ray Bradbury, Dick, Vonnegut) and wasn't bothered, but SF is considered a shameful thing in the world of publishing. I think I'll hang this up in my toilet all the same.

 

 

 

5

I'll hang this up next to it. My toilet has this orange/blue thing going on and they'll complement each other nicely. Even of the book stiffs I'll get some nice stuff to hang up.

 

 

 

6

Cool. An empty space suit. Who's meant to be in it? What's going on? I am intrigued and so is the consumer. Pedants will point out that it makes no sense for the name ARY Lewis to be written on the suit as he wasn't given that name until he returned from space, to which I say 'Oh, I expect you'd rather have had a cartoon of a blonde nun with huge breasts then!"

7

Same as above, but on white. Thus, no good for my toilet.

8

Same as above, but black.
How much more black could it get?
The answer is... none more black.

9

Yeah yeah.
They pay you for this?
You could have just told us it would be red and we could have imagined it.

10

 The first version of the cover that has become familiar to millions of readers of pretentious lowbrow fiction the world over.

 

 

11

The paperback edition (now available at only £6.99) was released in late 2002.